Celeb Birthdays: February 17

If your birthday is today, chances are that you are a total skank. This is a valid assumption based on empirical evidence, for today witnessed the birth of such hallowed hosebeasts as She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power; and She Whose Name Is Denise Richards, Who Is Now Dead to Me, Because Nobody Screws Over Heather Locklear and Gets Away With It. (Look, just because somebody is dead to me doesn't mean I'm not going to post a perfectly good image of them that I went to the trouble of Photoshopping. Jeeze.) Oh yeah, and also Janice Dickinson. I rest my case.

The aforementioned SWSNBN,FPFHHP has blighted this earth for a solid 26 years now. Notice how America has totally gone downhill in that time? Think about it. Read about SWSNBN,FPFHHP's appalling attempt to blame her skanky behavior on astrology

Actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who is cute and should get more work, is 26. See Joseph Gordon-Levitt's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Jason Ritter, son of the revered John, is 27.

Former fat kid Jerry O'Connell is 33. You know, I don't think he's ever going to make an honest woman of Rebecca Romijn? See Jerry O'Connell's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Pop punks Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day and Taylor Hawkins of the Foo Fighters share a 35th birthday today. See Billie Joe Armstrong's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time) ~ See Taylor Hawkins' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Figure skater Philippe Candeloro is 35. See Philippe Candeloro's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Denise Richards, who is dead to me, is 36. Read about why Denise Richards is dead to me

Nightmare on Elm Street IV star Tuesday Knight is 38.

R&B singer Chanté Moore hits 40 today. See Chanté Moore's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Michael Jordan is 44 and quite possibly skanky -- we'll see what emerges during the divorce proceedings. See Michael Jordan's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Lou Diamond Phillips is 45. See Lou Diamond Phillips' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Joe Simpson, Svengali dad to Jessica and Ashlee, is 49.

Singer-songwriter Loreena McKennitt is 50. See Loreena McKennitt's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Rene Russo is 53. See Rene Russo's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Reality skank Janice Dickinson is 54. See Janice Dickinson's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Former Miss America and actress Mary Ann Mobley is 68. See Mary Ann Mobley's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Christina Pickles, a.k.a. Ross and Monica's mom, is 72.

Barry Humphries, a.k.a. Dame Edna, is 73. See Barry Humphries' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Hal Holbrook is 82. See Hal Holbrook's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

Find more web pages about: She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power ~ Denise Richards ~ Celeb Birthdays ~ Celebrity Birthdays ~ Birthdays ~ Astrology ~ Celebs ~ Celebrity ~ Celebrities