Saturday, February 17, 2007

Celeb Birthdays: February 17

If your birthday is today, chances are that you are a total skank. This is a valid assumption based on empirical evidence, for today witnessed the birth of such hallowed hosebeasts as She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power; and She Whose Name Is Denise Richards, Who Is Now Dead to Me, Because Nobody Screws Over Heather Locklear and Gets Away With It. (Look, just because somebody is dead to me doesn't mean I'm not going to post a perfectly good image of them that I went to the trouble of Photoshopping. Jeeze.) Oh yeah, and also Janice Dickinson. I rest my case.

The aforementioned SWSNBN,FPFHHP has blighted this earth for a solid 26 years now. Notice how America has totally gone downhill in that time? Think about it. Read about SWSNBN,FPFHHP's appalling attempt to blame her skanky behavior on astrology

Actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who is cute and should get more work, is 26. See Joseph Gordon-Levitt's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Jason Ritter, son of the revered John, is 27.

Former fat kid Jerry O'Connell is 33. You know, I don't think he's ever going to make an honest woman of Rebecca Romijn? See Jerry O'Connell's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Pop punks Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day and Taylor Hawkins of the Foo Fighters share a 35th birthday today. See Billie Joe Armstrong's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time) ~ See Taylor Hawkins' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Figure skater Philippe Candeloro is 35. See Philippe Candeloro's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Denise Richards, who is dead to me, is 36. Read about why Denise Richards is dead to me

Nightmare on Elm Street IV star Tuesday Knight is 38.

R&B singer Chanté Moore hits 40 today. See Chanté Moore's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Michael Jordan is 44 and quite possibly skanky -- we'll see what emerges during the divorce proceedings. See Michael Jordan's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Lou Diamond Phillips is 45. See Lou Diamond Phillips' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Joe Simpson, Svengali dad to Jessica and Ashlee, is 49.

Singer-songwriter Loreena McKennitt is 50. See Loreena McKennitt's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Rene Russo is 53. See Rene Russo's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Reality skank Janice Dickinson is 54. See Janice Dickinson's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Former Miss America and actress Mary Ann Mobley is 68. See Mary Ann Mobley's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Christina Pickles, a.k.a. Ross and Monica's mom, is 72.

Barry Humphries, a.k.a. Dame Edna, is 73. See Barry Humphries' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Hal Holbrook is 82. See Hal Holbrook's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

Celeb Birthdays: February 16

What a birthday dearth! If you were born today, you should be inspired to achieve great things so that your name lives forever, so that future celebrity astrologers will have someone to write about today, for Chrissakes.

Actress Sarah Clarke of 24 is 34. See Sarah Clarke's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Drummer Dave Lombardo of Slayer is 44. See Dave Lombardo's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Guitarist Andy Taylor of Duran Duran is 45.

Tennis star John McEnroe is 48. See John McEnroe's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Rapper-actor Ice-T is 48. See Ice-T's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Lisa Loring of The Addams Family is 49.

Actor LeVar Burton is 50.

Singer James Ingram is 51. See James Ingram's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor William Katt of one of my childhood favorite shows, The Greatest American Hero, is 56. That theme song totally holds up. See William Katt's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Celeb Birthdays: February 15

These (almost without exception) quintessentially Aquarian celebrities share their birthday with my quintessentially Aquarian friend Mary (left...she's actually really cute, the lighting was really bad...), who magically manages to make being joyful and being punk rock not mutually exclusive. Mary has a nascent but already exciting consignment shop site that you should bookmark now, because it is about to start hopping toot sweet: www.maryjoshop.com

Musician Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes is 27.

Incubus frontman Brandon Boyd is 31. See Brandon Boyd's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Drummer Ronnie Vannucci Jr. of the Killers is 31.

Actress Sarah Wynter of 24 is 34. See Sarah Wynter's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Renée O'Connor, who played Xena's life partner Gabrielle on Xena, Warrior Princess, is 36. I seem to recall hearing that she's doing something online and needs your support, so please Google her. I totally would, because I loves me some Gabrielle (best midriff-baring sci-fi/fantasy outfit since since Return of the Jedi), but it's been a long-ass day. See Renée O'Connor's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Singer Jane Child -- you know, the one with the Mohawk and the chain that went from her nose to her ear -- is 40.

Culture Club bassist Mikey Craig is 47.

Actor Christopher McDonald, who I could tell just from his Wikipedia entry would be a Hey! It's That Guy!, even though I'd never heard of him, is 52. And he is. See Christopher McDonald's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

I have always thought that Bart Simpson personified the Aquarius archetype, so it seems fitting that his alter ego (or rather vice versa), Simpsons creator Matt Groening, is 53. See Matt Groening's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Jane Seymour, who is kind of like an articulate female Fabio, is 56. See Jane Seymour's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Singer Melissa Manchester is 56. I have had "You Should Hear How She Talks About You" stuck in my head since seeing her name in print.

Kinks drummer Mick Avory is 63. See Mick Avory's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Claire Bloom of As the World Turns is 76. See Claire Bloom's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor-comedian Harvey Korman is 80. See Harvey Korman's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Celeb Birthdays: February 14

Happy Valentine's Day! Unfortunately, it's a crap day for celebrity birthdays.

Figure skater Yuka Sato is 34.

Singer Rob Thomas of crap band Matchbox 20 is 35. See Rob Thomas's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Football player Drew Bledsoe is 35.

Entertainment reporter Jules Asner is 39. See Jules Asner's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Enrico Colantoni (Veronica Mars) is 44.

Actor Zach Galligan of Gremlins is also 44.

Actress Meg Tilly is 47. See Meg Tilly's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Soprano Renee Fleming is 48. See Renee Fleming's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor James Eckhouse, a.k.a. patriarch Jim Walsh on Beverly Hills, 90210 (who really did have a double standard for Brandon and Brenda, she was absolutely right) is 52.

Magician Teller of Penn and Teller is 59.

Kinky entertainment reporter Pat O'Brien is also 59.

Businessman mayor Michael Bloomberg is 65. See Michael Bloomberg's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Florence Henderson is 73. See Florence Henderson's birth chart (Astrotheme)

TV reporter Hugh Downs is 86. See Hugh Downs' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

What Was Anna Nicole Smith's Rising Sign?

After doing many reports on the late Anna Nicole Smith's astrological chart, for which no birth time is available, I can't help but speculate on what a birth chart including an accurate time might look like. Prompted by a dream in which Anna's birth time was revealed to me, only to elude me when I awoke (yes indeed, gentle readers, I desperately need a celebrintervention, for I also had a dream featuring Anna's baby daughter Danniellyn this weekend), I have taken it upon my cuckoo-crazy self to speculate on Anna's complete natal horoscope.

The hypothetical birth time I like for Anna Nicole is 12:45 PM CST on November 28, 1967, in Mexia, Texas. (Although even Anna's birthplace is in doubt, since her mom says she was not actually from Mexia, Texas, but from Houston, and pretended to be a small-town girl for the sake of her image.) Here's why.

See Anna Nicole Smith's birth chart (CelebAstroBlogy; hypothetical birth time)

Pisces rising describes Anna's image as a sex symbol -- back in her Guess? days, she had those windows-to-the-soul eyes that reflect a Piscean Ascendant. Anna's dreamy, off-in-her-own-world quality and the widespread perception of her as a drug addict are also consistent with the Pisces rising sign.

But besides being a bombshell, Anna Nicole was also a frail, insecure woman with a yo-yo relationship with her body. The 12:45 birth time describes this dichotomy, positing Chiron in Pisces in Anna's 1st house of surface appearance and physical body -- which describing her self-destructive tendencies, body struggles, and lack of self-acceptance, even in the face of her Piscean mystique and allure.

Of course, we would expect Anna's true horoscope to paint the warts-and-all picture of her relationships with men, including her potentially lucrative marriage to the elderly J. Howard Marshall as well as her possibly fateful partnership with the sketchy Howard K. Stern. With the 12:45 birth time, Anna has a Moon-Venus conjunction in Libra, sign of partnership, in the 8th house of shared resources. This placement would describe not only the way Anna plunged all-or-nothing into her relationships with men but also the undercurrent of machinations for financial interests (Venus in the 8th). The manipulative dynamics rumored to be operative both in Anna's relationship with her late husband and -- with the shoe on the other foot -- in her coupling with Howard K. both fit with the 8th-house placement.

Meanwhile, Jupiter right on the cusp of the 7th house of partnership shows the fortune that she amassed by virtue of her marriage to a billionaire -- while the Uranus-Pluto conjunction there suggests the power struggles and unpredictable ups-and-downs in her relationships.

Gemini/Sagittarius on the IC/MC shows an unstable home/family life and an aspiration toward stardom. And Mars in Capricorn in the 11th house depicts an ambitious social climber.

This chart would place the transiting Sun-Neptune conjunction at the time of her death in the self-destructive 12th house along with Chiron. Meanwhile the overdose-prone Mercury-Venus-Uranus conjunction in Pisces would be foregrounded in her 1st house, with Mercury conjunct the Ascendant. The transiting Scorpio Moon would be in Anna's 8th house, which also represents death.

Gentle readers, I welcome your feedback on this hypothetical birth chart or any alternative ideas you may have.

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Celeb Birthdays: February 13

Sad, burka-ed child Prince Michael Jackson I turns 10 today. Damn, check out that Mercury-Jupiter-Uranus conjunction. Kid's gonna blow someday. See Prince Michael Jackson I's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Mena Suvari, who also seems rather sad and childlike, is 28.

Singer Robbie Williams is 33. See Robbie Williams' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Kelly Hu is 39. See Kelly Hu's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Singer Freedom Williams of C+C Music Factory is 41.

Punk rock icon Henry Rollins is 46.

Actor David Naughton of My Sister Sam, which was one of my favorite shows until that poor girl got killed, is 56. See David Naughton's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Musician Peter Gabriel is 57. See Peter Gabriel's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Talk show host Jerry Springer, whom I adore for his frank unpretention, nonjudgment, and progressive values, is 63. See Jerry Springer's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Stockard Channing, who will always and only be Rizzo to me, is 63. See Stockard Channing's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Former Monkee Peter Tork is 65. See Peter Tork's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor George Segal is 73. See George Segal's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Kim Novak is 74. See Kim Novak's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Monday, February 12, 2007

The Latest on the Anna Nicole Aftermath

More astrological analysis of the Anna Nicole Smith death mystery and the paternity of baby Dannielynn is coming soon. (If anyone comes across birth data for self-proclaimed baby daddy Larry Birkhead, please send it my way.) In the meantime, get the latest updates on the story in my Scoop! column:

http://www.examiner.com/a-560690~Anna_Nicole_Smith__The_aftermath.html

Namaste,
KittyTaurus

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Celeb Birthdays: February 12

Actress Christina Ricci is 27. See Christina Ricci's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Director Darren Aronofsky of The Fountain and one of my all-time faves, Pi, is 38. See Darren Aronofsky's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Chynna Phillips of Wilson Phillips is 39. See Chynna Phillips' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Josh Brolin is 39. See Josh Brolin's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Love a 90210 birthday! Actress Christine Elise -- excellent as cuckoo-crazy Emily Valentine, who dosed Brandon on "Euphoria" at the underground rave -- is 43. See Christine Elise's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Comedian and former TV host Arsenio Hall is 52. See Arsenio Hall's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Musician Michael McDonald is 55.

Actor Simon MacCorkindale, who played the title role in what was my favorite show during its all-too-brief run, Manimal, is 55. See Simon MacCorkindale's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Awesome actor Michael Ironside of Total Recall and many other excellent Hey!It's That Guy! roles, is 57. See Michael Ironside's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor-musician Cliff DeYoung is 62.

Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek is 68. See Ray Manzarek's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Pubescent-blossoming genre author Judy Blume is 69. See Judy Blume's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Joe Don Baker is 71. See Joe Don Baker's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Event Chart: The Death of Anna Nicole Smith

Here is an astrological chart, based on the best available reports, for the death of Anna Nicole Smith.

The exact time of her death may remain a mystery, judging from anecdotal eyewitness accounts that Anna's body was already covered when paramedics brought her to the hospital, but this chart reflects the officially reported time of 2:10 EST in the Hollywood, FL, hospital where Anna was pronounced dead. The chart will be updated if better information is made available.

See the event chart for Anna Nicole Smith's death (Exclusive to CelebAstroBlogy)

Interestingly, the Sun and Neptune in the death chart are conjunct at 19° Aquarius, the same degree as Marilyn Monroe's Moon.

One thing that jumped out at me about this chart was the presence of Pluto in an almost exact conjunction with the 7th-house cusp (representing relationships), suggesting the sinister or underhanded influence of a partner in the death.

Also, Venus, the planet of love and money, is conjunct volatile Uranus in self-destructive Pisces on the Midheaven, representing goals and ambitions.

Could Howard K. Stern have had a hand in his pseudo-wife's untimely demise in order to further his own financial ends?

Stay tuned for Howard's horoscope and what it may suggest about Anna's death, plus much more analysis of the complex and mysterious Anna Nicole saga.

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Celeb Birthdays: February 11

These Aquarian celebrities share their birthday with my friend Ethan Iverson of the Bad Plus, who I keep forgetting is also a celebrity because he is all humble and whatnot, but OMG, he actually has his own Wikipedia entry! Besides being an amazing talent, a great husband to my very dear friend Sarah Deming, and a supportive friend of CelebAstroBlogy, Ethan is an ardent Buffy fan, so you know he's good people. Happy 34th!

Q'Orianka Kilcher of Pocahontas (who is also Jewel's cousin, and thus may or may not have lived in a van by the river) celebrates her sweet 16 today. See Q'Orianka Kilcher's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Aubrey O'Day of the crapufactured girl group Danity Kane is 23.

The Jan Brady of Destiny's Child, Kelly Rowland, is 26. See Kelly Rowland's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Singer-actress Brandy Norwood is 28. Read Brandy's birthday forecast and predictions about possible criminal charges

Mike Shinoda, singer of the crappy Linkin Park, is 30. See Mike Shinoda's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

R&B hot-tay D'Angelo is 33.

Surfer Kelly Slater is 35. Read about why Cameron Diaz is a masochist to date Kelly Slater (breadstick or no breadstick)

Jennifer Aniston is 38. Read Jennifer Aniston's birthday forecast for 2007

Actress Diane Franklin, who was the French exchange student in one of my favorite movies ever, Better Off Dead, is 44. I wish she had been in more things.

Singer Sheryl Crow is 45. I will refrain from saying anything nasty about her, since I still feel guilty about that incident last year.

Himbo actor Burt Reynolds is 71. See Burt Reynolds' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Tina Louise, a.k.a. Ginger of Gilligan's Island, is 73. See Tina Louise's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Fashion designer Mary Quant is also 73. See Mary Quant's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Naked Gun actor Leslie Nielsen is 81. See Leslie Nielsen's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Jennifer Aniston's 2007 Birthday Forecast

Today is Jennifer Aniston's 38th birthday, so for those loyal Team Aniston supporters out there, here is a forecast for her coming year.

The astrological picture looks pretty different from last year, when Jen was busting out all over. In 2007, J.An is going to be a lot lower on the Hollywood radar, possibly working behind the scenes -- but instead of being shackled by the "America's sweetheart" label, she'll be doing her own thing and calling the shots. Now, let's all ignore the six or seven mixed metaphors in that last sentence and move on.

In her solar return (birthday) chart for this year, Jennifer has cardinal signs on all four angles, signifying that she will be independent and self-motivated this year. With Capricorn on the solar return Ascendant and Mars rising, she is especially driven and ambitious, determined to realize concrete achievements for herself now.

The solar return chart ruler, Saturn, is quite influential, as it trines its position in Jen's natal chart and opposes her natal Sun. Jen is definitely being challenged to confront who she is this year, but the good news is that the Saturn trine makes that work easier for her; she's really throwing herself into it with a passion.

With a stellium of solar return planets in the 2nd house and the Moon and Jupiter in the 12th house, Jen will likely maintain a relatively low profile this year as she regroups and rebuilds, working to build a strong, secure life foundation. The solar return Moon's conjunction to Jupiter (and, loosely, to its own natal postion) indicates that this will be a year of tremendous emotional growth for Jennifer -- but the 12th-house placement means this will happen in private, sans accompanying Vanity Fair cover story.

The Moon-Jupiter conjunction, along with her solar return Venus in the natal 5th house, also offers a slight, tantalizing chance this could be the year Jennifer at last becomes pregnant ... but I wouldn't bet the farm on it. The solar return chart has a very individualistic cast; there is not a lot of room for a partnership. If she does decide to be a mother, it would probably be on her own.

While 2007 does not look like the year that Jennifer finally finds true love, she will definitely be laying the groundwork for a lasting relationship this year, as she gets more secure with herself.

See Jennifer Aniston's birth chart (Astrotheme)

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Brandy's Birthday Forecast: Criminal Charges Ahead?

Singer-actress Brandy Norwood turns 28 today, so it's a good time to take a look at her astrological chart and see what fate (and The Man) may have in store for her. As you probably know, Brandy was involved in a car crash that caused a fatality shortly before New Year's, and as soon as the story broke (she would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling Interwebs!), there was talk of belated legal consequences. Brandy is currently the subject of a $50,000 lawsuit from the deceased woman's family, and she may face criminal charges.

Brandy's birthday forecast shows a tough challenge ahead. Her natal Sun-Mercury conjunction in Aquarius squares its ruler Uranus -- a volatile, accident-prone aspect -- and retrograde transiting Saturn is currently opposing her Sun-Mercury, forming a T-square configuration out of the natal square. (Depending on Brandy's time of birth, which is unknown, Saturn could also be conjunct her Leo Moon.) The hand of authority (Saturn) is poised to belatedly (retrograde) redress this accidental (Mercury/Uranus) wrong. Brandy is likely to face legal repercussions. ~ See Brandy's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

The tension between Saturn and Uranus (the classical and modern rulers, respectively, of Brandy's three natal Aquarius planets) is reinforced by transiting Uranus' opposition to Brandy's natal Saturn -- which was exact on January 12, less than two weeks after the accident. The tug-of-war between Saturn and Uranus represents the struggle between authority and rebellion, between structure and chaos.

Brandy's Saturn in Virgo certainly speaks to her tightly buttoned-up, precociously hard-working teen-star persona. The pressure of Uranus in Pisces could be unleashing her inner Aquarian instinct to revolt against what's expected of her, even if that means self-destructive action.

Neptune has also been transiting Brandy's Mars in Aquarius, clouding her course of action. She feels like she is in a bit of a fog, unsure of which way to turn.

Accidents can be a subconscious sign that we are not fully present in our lives; that we are distracted by anxieties or have checked out because we're unhappy with how things are going. This accident could have been a manifestation of the pressure Brandy is feeling. She has been floundering, unclear on where she is headed but bound to break free of the straightlaced "TV's Moesha" persona she's outgrown. By accounts, she was absolutely distraught that she might have been responsible for a woman's death, and certainly she in no way intended to be careless or reckless. Regardless of whether Brandy receives punishment in the legal sense, it looks like Saturn is doling her out a hard life lesson about taking responsibility.

Around April 19, Brandy could experience an explosion of pent-up pressure as Saturn stations at 18°10" Leo, within a degree of opposition to her Mars in Aquarius, while Uranus in Pisces simultaneously semisextiles her Mars. If you're reading this and you know her, please tell her to avoid taking any rash action during this time period.

Critical points in her legal battle, and/or other crises in her life, will come from early June through mid-July, when direct Saturn again squares her natal Uranus and then opposes her Sun-Mercury. Transiting Neptune will be on her Sun-Mercury at this time, so Brandy may very well be able to beat the criminal rap thanks to the aura of her celebrity. She may also be able to use this Neptune energy to avoid confronting the lessons Saturn is teaching her -- though she would be ill-advised to do so, since her first Saturn return is coming up in September 2008. Anything she hasn't dealt with by then will be back on the table in a big way.

Let's hope Brandy channels the disruptive influence of Uranus and Neptune in a creative way and uses the Saturn stress as a means to get back on track. With Neptune crossing her Sun-Mercury this year, hopefully she'll find an ingenious way to reinvent her public persona. More importantly, hopefully she'll work on being happy with who she is by the time her Saturn return rolls around.

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