Saturday, March 11, 2006

An Excel-lent Match for Martha Stewart

Let's just get this out of the way up front: I loves me some Martha Stewart. I live for the recipes and techniques in MSL and Everyday Food. I love Martha even more for the way she stepped up, served her time, learned from it and moved on, even though she was totally made a scapegoat for some trivial ethical infraction while those douchebags from Enron who stole people's life savings continue to spend their days golfing and wiping their asses with gold toilet paper. Anyway, this is but a tiny glimmer of the passion I feel for Martha.

With the triumphant post-prison career renaissance she's been enjoying, along with the support of her family and friends, the one thing La Martha has so far lacked is the love of a good man. You can see from her chart (See Martha Stewart's birth chart; Astrotheme) why the very factors that make her successful make it hard for her to forge a romantic connection ... Leo Sun conjunct the Midheaven and Pluto, signifying a passionate craving for power and control; Venus in exacting Virgo giving her extraordinarily high standards of quality; Saturn conjunct Uranus in Taurus harnessing a determined, even explosive drive. Exactly as you would imagine, Martha is a huge control freak, which can be kind of an obstacle to love.

So you can imagine my delight when I read that Martha may have a beau who is every bit as down with OCD as she is: Charles Simonyi of Microsoft [source]. And I got even more excited when I discovered that dude was born September 10, 1948, in Budapest, Hungary [source]. They may claim they're just old friends, but clearly, no one could be better for a control freak like Martha than the Virgo man behind the application that is synoymous with anal-retentiveness, Microsoft Excel!

Sweetening the deal, Charles has his Venus in Leo (so they each have their Venus in each other's Sun sign -- awww) and, like Martha, has a Sagittarius Moon. His Moon may or may not conjunct hers, since I don't have a birth time for him; but his Jupiter in Sagittarius definitely does, suggesting that he's a great source of encouragement and excitement for Martha and brings out her emotional generosity (no small feat, to be sure). His Mars in Scorpio squares Martha's Pluto, which might actually mean that she has found a man who can stand up to her -- hey, no one is more surprised than I.

Considering these fabulous aspects, I would be most surprised if Martha and Charles are really still just friends. If by some chance they are, I suggest Mr. Simonyi run a spreadsheet calculating the opportunity cost of not making a move on Martha. You two crazy kids would be great together -- go for it!

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Celeb Birthdays: March 11

Today's eclectic assortment of celebrity birthdays brings to mind a traditional Zen Buddhist fable. Siddhartha, the future Buddha, was walking in the woods when he came upon the demon Mara. Mara said, "Siddhartha, your human flesh is worthless and weak. What do you want to do with your life?" Siddhartha pondered for a moment and then triumphantly replied, "I wanna rock!" He then spun around really fast and, at that moment, transformed into the Buddha in all his splendor. Wait, maybe that's not actually how that story goes. In any case, on to the birthdays...

Someone who needs to get more recognition and more roles is ... Thora Birch, 24 today, who really works that Pisces I commune-with-the-shadow-world thing for all it's worth.

Joel and Benji Madden of Good Charlotte, a.k.a. He Who Dates The Scary Fake-Teeth Horseface and the Other One, turn 27.

Though Pisces and Cancer are generally compatible, Johnny Knoxville, 35, is definitely not on my list of men who would be good for Jessica Simpson.

Oscar nominee Terrence Howard is 37. Read about his Academy Awards aspects.

Because she keeps managing to parlay her 12-year-old one-hit wonder into an endless succession of humiliating celebreality shows, I am obliged to note the 38th birthday of Lisa Loeb.

Namaste to Hitchhiker's Guide author Douglas Adams, who would have been 54 today. Sadly, he died ridiculously young in 2001.

Here's another handy way to date yourself! Do you have fond memories of über-Hey It's that Guy Mark Metcalf as (a) Neidermeyer in Animal House, (b) the "What do you want to do with your life?" guy in the Twisted Sister videos, or (c) The Master on Buffy? If you answered all of the above, you are not only ageless but have excellent taste. In honor of his 60th, please take a moment to appreciate Mark Metcalf's oeuvre.

The stars evidently aligned to the far right on the birthdays of Antonin Scalia, 70 today, and Rupert Murdoch, 75. Isn't it time for them to retire? I hear Scalia really enjoys duck hunting with Dick Cheney. No, seriously.

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Friday, March 10, 2006

Who Should Jessica Simpson Date Next?

I was originally intending to post something about Jessica Simpson's rebound relationship with Adam Levine of Maroon 5, but then I lay down for a short nap and awoke to find that they had already broken up. Evidently Adam dumped her via text message (full story on the always hilarious wwtdd.com), which is rather fitting karmic payback for a Venus-in-Gemini two-timer (Gemini rules communication devices such as pagers, cell phones, Blackberries, etc.) like Jessica. She may also have her Moon in Gemini, depending what time of day she was born; given her rumored fickleness, I'm inclined to believe that she was born earlier in the day with a Gemini Moon, since a double Cancer would be, well, a better cook for one thing. Plus she would be more inclined to stay home with a dreamy Scorpio hubby like Nick Lachey, whereas a Gemini-Moon hoochie would be more inclined to go out partying and flirting with anyone in sight. Folks, I rest my case.

Okay, so having established that I believe Jessica to be a Cancer Sun with a side of Gemini Moon (see Jessica's chart; source: Astrotheme), whom should she date next? In one corner we have Jude Law, who, as a Capricorn, does score automatic points as a match for Jessica (opposite signs, like Cancer and Capricorn, are traditionally very good matches). But we cannot overlook the fact that Jude Law is a dirty, dirty whore with ... OMG, every planet except Saturn and Pluto on the eastern side of the chart -- selfish much?? (See Jude Law's chart; Astrotheme) Jessica, honey, Jude might have Jupiter, ruler of his Sag Ascendant, on your Sun, but that just makes it easier for him to lie to you. Stay away!!!

With her Sun-Mercury conjunction, Jessica is a lot smarter than she comes off, though the fact that her natal Mercury is retrograde would explain quirky utterances like the infamous chicken-fish conundrum. She also has a Mars-Saturn conjunction in Virgo that makes her a very disciplined hard worker. I like the idea of her dating someone with his Sun betweeen 16-23° Libra, which would square her Sun (challenging her, which I think Jess needs right now) but also trine her Moon/Venus, creating an easy emotional bond.

So whose Sun falls in this zone? Some people might say that searching on IMDB for such individuals would be a lame way to spend a Friday night. These people clearly do not possess the Astro-Blogging Love required to undertake such a noble, selfless research project on behalf of La Simpson. And now, with the threat of hateration contained, let us move on to the specimens of Libra man-meat I have identified as candidates for winning Jessica's heart:

Nick Cannon (born 10/8/80, San Diego, CA) knows how to work the mass-market-appeal machine to make his modest talents at singing and acting seem greater than the sum of their parts. OMG, just like Jess! I could just see these two hooking up at, like, the Nickelodeon Awards or some such nonsense.

Bode Miller (born 10/12/77, Easton, NH), might just be a match for Jessica inasmuch as his personality is equal parts overachiever and party-hearty spaz. His Olympic bid got about as much press, and ultimately amounted to as much of an accomplishment, as her movie debut in Dukes of Hazzard. At least we were spared promotional photos of him with artificially enhanced junk in his trunk.

Sacha Baron Cohen (born 10/13/71, London, UK), a.k.a. Ali G., might seem like he's way over Jessica's head. But come on, you know she loves her some Jackass guys. Ali G would be such a step up in terms of sophistication, while allowing her to maintain the excitement of dating an envelope-pushing "bad boy." Plus, at least Borat could give her a resounding "Ich don't think so" to those collagen lip implants and the Uggs/sweatpants ensembles that scream "Damn the paparazzi, I just don't care anymore." I don't think papa Joe Simpson would exactly cotton to Jess bringing home a nice Jewish boy who ain't even American, but since that's just one of the many reasons Herr Simpson is creepy and evil, I'm liking this couple!

Who would you like to see Jessica Simpson date next? Email me or post a comment and I'll let you know how your choice's chart stacks up with Jessica's.

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Does Brad and Angelina's Wedding Date Draw Nigh?

There have been many rumors about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wedding date, including the speculation that they may have pulled a Brandy and declared themselves to be "spiritually married," i.e., not really married at all. The latest poop: Oh No They Didn't reports a report in an Italian newspaper reporting that they are reportedly set to wed on March 18 at George Clooney's Lake Como, Italy, home. How does this March 18 date stack up against the power couple's charts?

On March 18, the Moon is in Scorpio, which is in Angelina's 4th house of home and family and Brad's 11th house of friends and acquaintances. Not loving that ... I'd rather see them get married when the Moon is in mid-Sagittarius, in Brad's 1st house of self and Angelina's 5th house of romance, pleasure and, of course, children. I also don't like that in the March 18 chart, the Sun in Pisces squares Brad's Sun, signifying that the marriage could cause him a lot of tension and destabilize his sense of self. But the Sun does trine Angie's Venus, showing that the marriage would jibe with her relationship style and way of doing things. I worry that this chart would depict Angelina having the upper hand, with Brad under presure to conform to her will.

Perhaps this March 18 chart is indeed an accurate reflection of the power dynamic in their relationship; it's not like it's a stretch to see her wearing the pants in the family. (That was not an intentional pun on "stretch pants," as I understand Angie is very sensitive about her pregnancy body.) But if you're reading this, Brad and Ange, consider holding out for that Sagittarian Moon on March 21. I know, I know, who wants to get married on a Tuesday? But at that point, the Sun will have moved into Aries, heralding the beginning of spring and symbolizing the start of new possibilities. Not necessarily the most traditionally romantic sign, but fitting for a fly-around-the-world-picking-up-babies couple like these two. And at least this chart doesn't set in stone the power imbalance between them like a March 18 wedding might. Ah well, we'll see! There are new wedding-date rumors every day, so maybe this will be the one that comes to pass, or maybe not. I hope not, because I think they could find a more auspicious day to set the tone for their marriage.

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: March 9-10

Sorry for the lateness of today's birthday post, but I was lucky enough to be gifted with tickets to a performance by the Mark Morris Dance Group at BAM. I don't know much about this modern dance business, but it seems to be kind of like a very minimalistic, barefoot version of figure skating, without any sequins whatsoever on the costumes. Seriously, it was very lovely and fascinating to watch, and I learned from the program that Mark Morris (born August 29, 1956 in Seattle, WA) is a Virgo with a Sun-Jupiter conjunction, which would bless him with the combination of precision and expansiveness required to be a choreographer, as well as a very creative and soulful grand trine between Venus in Cancer, Mars in Pisces and Saturn in Scorpio. But I digress, as some celebrities are celebrating birthdays today, and still more will do so tomorrow.

  • March 9

    Bow Wow will doubtless hear or read the phrase "Lil' no more!" many times on his 19th birthday and on each subsequent birthday. Come his 21st, I suggest he make a drinking game out of it.

    I wonder whether the festivities for drawling rapper Chingy's 25th will in some way involve women paid to remove their clothing and/or place protruding bodily appendages on panes of glass. Nah, prolly just cake, ice cream and a pinata.

    Every crack I could make about Emmanuel Lewis' 35th seems insensitive, especially the one about wondering whether Michael Jackson still finds him attractive, so I'll take the high road and refrain.

    First, Fugazi's awesometastic drummer Brendan Canty is 40.

    And the second, Velvet Underground bassist-genius John Cale, is not heard from nearly enough at 66.

  • March 10

    I have heard tell that there is a parallel universe of celebrity in which people become "famous" for singing cheesy songs on a cheesy show and later go on to release country songs about Jesus and people actually buy the records, and that in this universe, the 23rd birthday of one Carrie Underwood is noteworthy. Maybe if she participated in a show that involved actual artistry, such as Skating With Celebrities, I would care.

    A singer with real cred in my book, Neneh Cherry, is 43, as is Pearl Jam's Jeff Ament. Did you know they have a new album out? Pearl Jam, not Neneh.

    I'm all for women remaining strong, sassy and sexy as they get older, but the glaring exception is Sharon Stone, who at 48, really must be stopped. Mind you, it has nothing to do with her age; throughout her career I have consistently felt that she must be stopped.

    Speaking of people who really, no joke, must be stopped, I almost don't even want to take notice of Osama bin Laden's 49th birthday, but it's worth being aware of his chart to know what we're dealing with. See bin Laden's chart (Astrotheme, no birth time) It's no wonder his brand of bomb-friendly religious fundamentalism has flourished with Uranus in Pisces. I hope when Uranus conjuncts his Sun in 2008 his ass blows up.

    Okay, if you were born on March 10, forget all about Osama and take pride in the fact that you share your birthday with Chuck Norris, who celebrates 66 ass-kicking years today.

    Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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  • Justin and Cameron: Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!

    Gentle reader, I hope it will not escape your notice that I am nothing if not a responsive correspondent. Yesterday I posted an update on Britney Spears' rumored second pregnancy [link] and solicited suggestions as to whom Britney should get with once she finally kicks K-Fed to the curb. The unanimous feedback from all two of my fans echoed the secret hope deep within my own heart: that one day, Britney will resume her rightful throne as the Princess of Pop beside her prince, her one true love, Justin Timberlake. Yet he remains in the thrall of Miss Face-Hit-With-a-Frying-Pan herself, the One Who Thought She Was Too Good for Matt Dillon and Could Not Have Been More Wrong, Cameron Diaz.

    Folks, you know how I feel about Aquarius-Virgo couples (see also: Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong; Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen). Will the ill-conceived union of Justin & Cam at last be torn asunder, paving the way for the glorious Justin-Britney reconciliation? Or, as some sickening scuttlebutt would have it, is J.T. fixing to make an honest woman of old Frying Pan Face?

    Now, Justin (Justin's birth chart; Astrotheme) and Britney (Britney's birth chart; Astrotheme) have such compatible horoscopes it breaks your heart to look at them -- he has Sun in Aquarius and Moon in Sagittarius, she has Sun in Sagittarius and Moon in Aquarius; this double Sun-Moon reciprocity is one of the best auspices for a romantic match. (Some would say for a man and a woman, but I prefer to consider gender in astrology in archetypal terms.) And not only that, but Justin's Sun is exactly conjunct Britney's Moon, which is such a good indicator that he meets her emotional needs, I could cry. And OH MAH GAHD, their Venuses are almost exactly conjunct in Capricorn, I'm not even kidding. They have the exact same approach to and values when it comes to relationships. These two need to get married already! Tell the people!!!

    But when you look at Justin and Cameron's charts together (Cameron's birth chart; Astrotheme), you're like, hello? What am I missing? I'll grant that Justin, with his Sun in the Virgo-ruled 6th house, may vibe a bit better with a Virgo Sun chick than your average Aquarius, but that's really not saying much. And these two do not have much in the way of aspects. Their Venuses oppose each other, which is about as modest a positive aspect as Britney and K-Fed's Venus-Mars opposition. But come on, a Virgo with Cancer rising and a Taurus Moon, and an Aquarius with Leo rising and a Sag Moon? I'm guessing that from moment one, Cameron has been trying to sink her claws of commitment into Justin while he bobs and weaves. She's all, "Where is this going? What am I to you? Can I keep a toothbrush and a change of underwear here?" and he's all, "Whoa, why does it have to be about labels? Can't we just, like, live in the moment? Why don't you just turn your underwear inside out?" Okay, maybe not that last part, but you get the picture. With all that air and fire, Justin does not need an earth-sign ball and chain like Cameron. And in fairness, she certainly doesn't need a hard-to-pin-down Aquarian constantly denying her the sense of security her Taurus Moon craves.

    (BTW, Matt Dillon: also an Aquarius. Is Cameron just a masochist or something? I mean, she was on the right track finding a fellow earth sign in Capricorn Jared Leto, but you don't need astrology to tell you that you're in for a world of hurt dating a man-whore like him.)

    With upheaval-inducing Uranus transiting his 7th house of relationships (it won't be out once and for all until 2009), this is no time for Justin to settle down in a marriage; he is working on his own issues and going through a lot of inner change and turmoil. As Saturn transits his 12th house, Justin has been keeping a low profile. Neptune is just moving off a confusing "who am I?" conjunction to his Sun, but will retrograde back toward it, and only toward the end of the year will Justin start to regain a clear perception of his own identity. Meanwhile, Pluto on his Moon has been stirring up more emotional transformation, though its influence is now starting to wane. Justin is definitely going through one of those phases where he questions what his life is all about and whether he's experienced all it has to offer. The emotional restlessness of Pluto transiting his Sag Moon does not bode well for anyone who might be, say, constantly carping at him to marry and impregnate her before her fertility odds nosedive.

    I can't wait until May, when Justin's progressed Moon contacts his natal Uranus in Scorpio. Some intense feelings that he has been suppressing may boil to the surface at this time. I can only hope that this Uranian upheaval will mean that Justin bursts free of Cameron's clutches. While he continues to do psychic work on himself for the rest of this year as Neptune makes its last contact with his Sun, Britney could be working on disentangling herself from the K-Fed fiasco and reclaiming her own emotional center as Neptune makes its last contact with her Moon.

    It's a long way away, but in December 2008 Jupiter will conjunct Britney and Justin's shared Venus. This time period could be a beautiful window of opportunity for them to reconnect. By then Uranus will be wrapping up its passage through Justin's 7th house and he might just be ready for the relationship that will last a lifetime. To sum up: Britney and Justin, you were destined to be together! Please do not defy the will of the planets!

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    Wednesday, March 08, 2006

    Blind Item: Who's Got a Venus in Scorpio Secret?

    Due to the possibility of legal or violent physical repercussion for my musings on this individual's birth chart and transits, I have decided to post the first-ever Celeb AstroBlogy Blind Item! Which popular entertainer was born with a T-square between Venus in Scorpio, Chiron in Taurus, and Jupiter, ruler of the Sun, in Leo? This configuration could suggest a painful secret about sexual relationships ... that is at odds with this individual's aspirations for stardom. Chiron inconjuncting the Sun suggests that there is a psychological "Achilles heel" of sorts that this person can never quite integrate into his or her identity. This individual's secret may be about to blow wide open, as Jupiter in Scorpio transits the natal Uranus and kinky urges become uncontrollable, perhaps manifesting via the Internet.

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    Celeb Birthdays: March 8

    He whom the Native Americans call Cereal Box in Place of Head, James Van Der Beek, is 29.

    Much love and respect to pioneering female rapper Cheryl 'Salt' James, who if you ask me is a living legend at 42.

    I've never had much use for actress Camryn Manheim but nevertheless duly note she is 45.

    This year, Virgin Suicides and Middlesex author Jeffrey Eugenides' 46th coincides with the beginning of Orthodox Lent.

    Eternal hottie Aidan Quinn marks 47 years of hottieness.

    As Gary Numan turns 48, it would probably be harsh to joke about him living in cars.

    Monkee man Micky Dolenz is 61.

    Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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    Sweet Jesus, Is Britney Pregnant Again?!

    Rumors are running rampant that my dear Britney Spears may have yet another bun in her oven. The alternative view holds that Brit simply hasn't lost her pooch from the first one. This is clearly terrifying, because, I mean, what if Federline sperm is super-powerful and after Britney dumps him, Kevin opens a fertility clinic and the earth is overtaken by Federlines? This could be the doomsday prophecy of which the Mayans foretold! Leaving that aside for the moment, however, there are two pressing questions: (1) Is Britney indeed pregnant? and (2) How long till she pulls a Denise Richards and realizes that she's actually better off raising two kids on her own than having to care for the kids and a disease-ridden, impulse-control-challenged man-child?

    Well, first things first. Britney is definitely in a strong nesting phase right now. She may have initially told People that she couldn't wait to get back on the road, but she does not want to stray far from home and her baby. In Britney's progressed chart (a measure of where a person has evolved to in her life), the Sun is conjunct the Descendant or cusp of the her natal 4th house, which rules home and family, and the Moon, the natural ruler of the 4th house, which is all about mothering and nurturing. She is strongly identified with her role as mother and nest-builder right now. (The fact that these planets are all in Capricorn may represent that Britney has to be the breadwinner and disciplinarian in the household as well as the nurturer.) Of course, the 4th house emphasis could just mean that Britney is focused on taking care of the child she already has. But with those Capricorn planets lined up, I wonder if she doesn't have a plan to put the mothering thing into high gear and become a baby factory now so she can get back to her career. (After all, why lose the baby weight when you're just gonna gain it back, y'all?)

    Now, what about Kevin? Well, with Neptune, the planet of delusion and illusion, finally separating from Britney's Moon, the glow is wearing off her feelings for him. It's not like there are such great aspects for compatibiity in their charts, other than her Venus opposing his Mars, square her Pluto, which makes for all that hot sex she was always talking about on Chaotic. (Gross, yes, but frankly, I'm relieved to know that selfish, shiftless three-planets-in-Aries mofo is good for something.) Kevin's impulsive, spontaneous Sun in Aries trines Britney's Uranus in Sagittarius, which makes her feel wild, adventurous and free around him. Yet Britney's progressed chart, representing where she's at in her life now, shows that she is not really into expressing her free-spirited Sagittarian side right now. It would seem that Britney has grown while Kevin continues to be a party boy.

    But, sad to say, that doesn't necessarily mean that Britney will sever ties with Kevin and permanently confiscate the Ferrari keys anytime soon. Neptune is still going to go retrograde and return to within 5° of Brit's Moon. And those Capricorn planets in her progressed chart could also speak to a dogged determination to keep her family together. I'm afraid she might not throw in the towel till late November, when retrograde Uranus stations in a square to her Sun and Britney just can't take it anymore and explodes. In the meantime, I will be compiling a list of whom Britney should date next. Please post your suggestions and I'll run the charts!

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    Tuesday, March 07, 2006

    Celeb Birthdays: March 7

    There are some cool-ass comediennes and comedians born today, plus a couple of '80s icons.

    Laura Prepon is only 26 and has many years to follow up her That '70s Show run. I actually think she's quite gorgeous and funny. Unless she's a Scientologist. Is she???

    The very funny and endearing Jenna Fischer of The Office is 32 and, ironically, looks way more glam in real life than she does on TV. Okay, by "in real life" I mean, appearing as herself on a talk show. I know, simulacrum and all that.

    Rachel Weisz, prepping for motherhood at 35, did not even thank Brendan Fraser or the Rock in her Oscar acceptance speech. Lame!!! Would she be where she is without them? Hellz no! See Rachel Weisz' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    The goddess of acid-tongued humor, the tart of tartness, Wanda Sykes celebrates 42 years of saying exactly what's on her mind. Oh, how I wish the planets would align for her to get a show that's actually worthy of her talents. Don't get me started on that Fox crap.

    Trendy '80s author Bret Easton Ellis is only 42 and he already has quite the misogynistic oeuvre.

    Some celebrities must need be included for sheer sentimental value, and one such celebrity is Rik Mayall, now 48, whom if you haven't seen as Rik on The Young Ones you need to Netflix this hilariously surreal British series ASAP.

    And speaking of surreal, don'tcha think it was kind of redundant for Tammy Faye Bakker, 64, to go on a show called The Surreal Life? I mean, Salvador Dali himself would have come at her with some makeup remover. Well, she certainly does represent some of the challenges of the Pisces archetype in terms of self-destructive, codependent behavior. See Tammy Faye Bakker's birth chart (Astrotheme) Check out that Mars-Saturn-Uranus conjunction in Taurus; an obsession with getting money that could blow up in her face. Sun square Ascendant (the face you present to the world) in mutable signs -- her sense of self is constantly shifting .. maybe that could explain the makeup?

    Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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    Sunday, March 05, 2006

    Celeb Birthdays: March 5-6

  • March 5
  • Actress Eva Mendes is 32 (see Eva's horoscope: Astrotheme, no birth time), as is Entourage's Kevin Connolly, who has been known to exchange cooties with the Sister of the Beast, or "667" as I like to call her.

    Chili Peppers guitarist John Frusciante is 36. There sure are a lot of Pisces who struggle with drug problems.

    Penn Jillette of "and Teller" fame is 51. He's the talking one, right?

    "One Night in Bangkok" singer and Jesus Christ Superstar's Judas, Murray Head, turns 60.

  • March 6
  • Rappers Bubba Sparxxx, 29, and Beanie Sigel, 32, will be enjoying cake and ice cream.

    Gentle Pisces giant Shaquille O'Neal is only 34, though it feels like he's been with us forever. See Shaq's horoscope (Astrotheme); he has an Aries Ascendant and a Scorpio Moon. I love it when charts have birth times!

    Marilyn Manson sideman Madonna Wayne Gacy celebrates 42 years of serving Satan.

    Comedian D.L. Hughley is kind of a cutie and definitely does not look 43.

    I will never look at Rob Reiner, 59 today, the same way after that South Park episode.

    Novelist Gabriel García Márquez celebrates 78 years presumably not entirely spent in solitude.

    Ed McMahon celebrates 83 years of serving Satan.

    And finally, romantic Pisces poetess Elizabeth Barrett Browning would have been 200 today.

    Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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    Oscar Predictions IV: Best Picture

    After much deliberation, I have decided to cast astrological charts for the Best Picture nominees based on their first major USA release date (all dates are from IMDB), as opposed to, say, their first-ever release dates, which are usually at various film festivals in other countries, and hence make the charts all clump together around the same couple of days. But more importantly, the Oscars, though chosen by a select few people, are supposed to be all about the public zeitgeist of which movies were best, and the festival release dates don't really reflect the entry of the film into the public consciousness. If you feel differently, please post a comment or email me, I'd be glad to hear arguments in favor of the festivals. All that said, on with the show! And the nominees are...

    Brokeback Mountain L.A. premiere date: 11/30/05 On Oscar night, Saturn-Chiron forms a grand cross with the Mars-Jupiter opposition in Brokeback Mountain's chart. This is a difficult aspect that could augur the dashing of hopes.

    Capote U.S. limited release date: 9/30/05 Jupiter on Oscar night is within 3° of Capote's Venus. This is a nice, lucky aspect.

    Crash U.S. wide release date: 5/6/05 In Crash's chart, the Sun (and, loosely, Venus) is forming a T-square with the transiting Jupiter-Neptune square. This is certainly a good sign, with Jupiter conferring luck and Neptune, glamour. Uranus is inconjuncting Crash's Jupiter, which could bring some strange luck out of the woodwork. And it may be worth noting that Crash's Sun falls in the 9th house of the Oscar chart, a powerful placement, while Mars and Uranus are straddling the Oscars' 7th house cusp.

    Good Night, and Good Luck U.S. limited release date: 10/7/05 Jupiter is in a wide opposition to this movie's Mars. Other than that... I got nothing.

    Munich U.S. limited release date: 12/23/05 Movies released late in the Oscar cycle tend to do well, perhaps because their charts align more closely with the planets on awards night. But Munich does not have very exciting aspects, in spite of several planets close to where they are in the movie release chart.

    Conclusion: Wow, this is a tough one. I have to say I don't like the looks of the aspects for Brokeback. That grand cross is pretty nasty. Crash, with Jupiter opposing its Sun, just might get its moment in the spotlight.

    More Oscar predictions: Best Actress | Best Actor | The Oscar Night Astrological Chart

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