Sweet Jesus, Is Britney Pregnant Again?!

Rumors are running rampant that my dear Britney Spears may have yet another bun in her oven. The alternative view holds that Brit simply hasn't lost her pooch from the first one. This is clearly terrifying, because, I mean, what if Federline sperm is super-powerful and after Britney dumps him, Kevin opens a fertility clinic and the earth is overtaken by Federlines? This could be the doomsday prophecy of which the Mayans foretold! Leaving that aside for the moment, however, there are two pressing questions: (1) Is Britney indeed pregnant? and (2) How long till she pulls a Denise Richards and realizes that she's actually better off raising two kids on her own than having to care for the kids and a disease-ridden, impulse-control-challenged man-child?

Well, first things first. Britney is definitely in a strong nesting phase right now. She may have initially told People that she couldn't wait to get back on the road, but she does not want to stray far from home and her baby. In Britney's progressed chart (a measure of where a person has evolved to in her life), the Sun is conjunct the Descendant or cusp of the her natal 4th house, which rules home and family, and the Moon, the natural ruler of the 4th house, which is all about mothering and nurturing. She is strongly identified with her role as mother and nest-builder right now. (The fact that these planets are all in Capricorn may represent that Britney has to be the breadwinner and disciplinarian in the household as well as the nurturer.) Of course, the 4th house emphasis could just mean that Britney is focused on taking care of the child she already has. But with those Capricorn planets lined up, I wonder if she doesn't have a plan to put the mothering thing into high gear and become a baby factory now so she can get back to her career. (After all, why lose the baby weight when you're just gonna gain it back, y'all?)

Now, what about Kevin? Well, with Neptune, the planet of delusion and illusion, finally separating from Britney's Moon, the glow is wearing off her feelings for him. It's not like there are such great aspects for compatibiity in their charts, other than her Venus opposing his Mars, square her Pluto, which makes for all that hot sex she was always talking about on Chaotic. (Gross, yes, but frankly, I'm relieved to know that selfish, shiftless three-planets-in-Aries mofo is good for something.) Kevin's impulsive, spontaneous Sun in Aries trines Britney's Uranus in Sagittarius, which makes her feel wild, adventurous and free around him. Yet Britney's progressed chart, representing where she's at in her life now, shows that she is not really into expressing her free-spirited Sagittarian side right now. It would seem that Britney has grown while Kevin continues to be a party boy.

But, sad to say, that doesn't necessarily mean that Britney will sever ties with Kevin and permanently confiscate the Ferrari keys anytime soon. Neptune is still going to go retrograde and return to within 5° of Brit's Moon. And those Capricorn planets in her progressed chart could also speak to a dogged determination to keep her family together. I'm afraid she might not throw in the towel till late November, when retrograde Uranus stations in a square to her Sun and Britney just can't take it anymore and explodes. In the meantime, I will be compiling a list of whom Britney should date next. Please post your suggestions and I'll run the charts!