Saturday, April 15, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: April 15

Wow, it's a slow day for birthdays, people, I'm not gonna lie.

Harry Potter actress Emma Watson celebrates her sweet 16. See Emma Watson's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Seth Rogen of the dearly departed Freaks and Geeks, as well as a bunch of other things, is 24.

Football player and Angie Harmon's baby daddy Jason Sehorn is 35.

Samantha Fox, who so courageously spoke out for the naughty girls in need of love, turns 40. See Samantha Fox's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Non-blonde songwriter Linda Perry is 41. Hey, she should totally help Samantha Fox make a comeback!

Actress Emma Thompson turns 47. See Emma Thompson's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Supergenius artist and innovator Leonardo da Vinci would have been 554 today had his many inventions included a zombie-reanimating machine. See Leonardo da Vinci's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Friday, April 14, 2006

Mandy Moore and Zach Braff: Two Aries in a Pod

Miss Mandy Moore and her fiancé Zach Braff both celebrated birthdays this week. (See Mandy Moore's birth chart; see Zach Braff's birth chart; both Astrotheme, no birth time) Because I love Mandy and just want her to be happy, and I'm just not sure about that Zach treating her right, I thought I'd see what's up with this double-Aries couple.

Since they were born within a few days of each other, Mandy and Zach have their Suns a few degrees apart in Aries, which right away shows their core personalities are similar. Zach's Mercury (communication) in Aries is almost exactly conjunct Mandy's Venus (relationships and values), and conversely, while Zach's Venus and Mandy's Mercury are not conjunct, they are both in Taurus.

As happens all too often with these pesky privacy-craving public figures, I am stymied by lack of an exact birth time for either party, and hence inability to determine the relationship of their two Moons, which describes how they relate emotionally. But whether or not their Moons are in contact by aspect, they are likely in opposite signs (Mandy, Leo; Zach, Aquarius), which is always a good indicator for a romantic connection, as opposite Moon signs balance each other emotionally.

So, this couple seems to be pretty darn simpatico, and with Mandy's Jupiter (growth and expansion) in ambitious Capricorn opposite Zach's Saturn, there may be serious long-term commitment potential here. Saturn contacts between two charts tend to suggest a binding, enduring connection between two people. However, there is some chance this contact could go the other way, with Zach feeling defensive and protective about Mandy's eagerness to settle down for the long haul. Her Saturn in Aries inconjuncts his Sun in Aries, which suggests that to make a deep emotional commitment to her, he will need to make some adjustments to his independent, do-whatever-he-wants lifestyle. (For a dorky-looking guy, he seems to have quite a way with the ladies. With Mercury conjunct Jupiter, he must be able to seduce them with his doesn't-miss-a-beat wit and a healthy dose of cockiness.)

My main concern about Zach and Mandy's endurance potential is that they may be too similar. Aries really, really like getting their own way, and, in case you were wondering, they equally dislike not getting their own way. Two Aries together will get along great as long as they're headed in the same direction by choice. But as soon as they want different things, two Rams will tend to butt heads. Compromise is not a concept that comes naturally to them.

Now, in Zach and Mandy's composite chart, the Sun, Mercury and Venus are all together in Aries, which again means that when they present a united front they're almost unstoppable -- but if there are any divisive points between them, they may be unable to work toward a compromise. Aries are also known for being impulsive and impetuous, better at starting new projects than seeing them through, and it may be that Mandy and Zach, as a couple, don't have the perseverance to stick it out through the work it takes to build a lasting relationship.

Biased as this may sound coming from someone who plays for the Bulls (in the zodiacal sense, as opposed to the sense of being tall and having hand-eye coordination), it's their Taurus planets that could save them -- with Zach's Venus in Taurus, he is loyal and craves security when it comes to relationships, while Mandy's Mercury in Taurus gives her a bit more patience and willingness to talk things out than the average Aries. In the composite chart, the Moon is almost certainly in Taurus, although its exact position cannot be pinned down due to their uncertain birth times. It may be that their emotional commitment to each other is deep enough to sustain them through the Aries flare-ups… or it could be that neither Ram has the dedication to stick it out with someone who's equally strong-willed, opinionated and temper-prone. If anyone happens to know Zach's or Mandy's birth time, puh-leeeeze email me, as the Moon aspects and rising signs could be make-or-break factors for this couple. Mandy, if you're reading this, call your mom ASAP and ask her to check your birth certificate. I just want you to be happy!

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Celeb Birthdays: April 14

Happy Buffday!!! Oh yes, I did just say that. Miss Sarah Michelle Gellar turns 29 today. Isn't it fitting that Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a show about fierce women, features so many Aries (Mars-ruled) female stars? There's SMG, Alyson Hannigan, Emma Caulfield, Juliet Landau and, well, Nicholas Brendan, who is arguably the girliest member of the Scooby Gang, is also an Aries. See Sarah Michelle Gellar's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Another fierce Aries chick, rapper Da Brat, turns 32. (Man, Astrotheme does not show a lot of love for hip-hop. Sorry for the unavailability of a birth chart.)

Actor Adrien Brody is 33. See Adrien Brody's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Beloved Sixteen Candles/Breakfast Club geek Anthony Michael Hall is 38. See Anthony Michael Hall's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Turning 46 is Brad Garrett of Everybody Loves Raymond, a show that many people apparently prefer watching to hitting themselves in the head with a frying pan. I am not one of those people. See Brad Garrett's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Ritchie Blackmore of Deep Purple is 61. See Ritchie Blackmore's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Baseball hustler Pete Rose is 65. Whoa, that's a lot of Aries. No wonder he's a bit impulsive. See Pete Rose's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Julie Christie is also 65. See Julie Christie's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Coal miner's daughter and country legend Loretta Lynn, quite a fierce woman in her own way, is 71. See Julie Christie's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: April 13

Slightly unhinged chanteuse Nellie McKay turns 24.

Self-proclaimed "actress" Courtney Peldon turns 25 today. I mention this not only out of barrel-bottom-scraping desperation due to the sub-D-list quality of most of the celebrities born today, but as an excuse to give props to one of my fave sites, Go Fug Yourself, which has adopted La Peldon as the poster child for random tacky-ass red-carpet skanks. And also, she's dating Crispin Glover, which is disturbing on so many levels. See Courtney Peldon's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

The Ricker himself, Ricky "Rick" Schroder, turns 36. See Ricky Schroder's birth chart (Astrotheme)

The harmlessly cherubic actress-host-comedienne Caroline Rhea turns 42.

R&B singer Peabo Bryson turns 55. Who names a kid "Peabo," anyway?

The E Street band's drummer and bandleader for fellow Aries Conan O'Brien, Max Weinberg, 55.

The world's most romantic Reverend, Al Green, hits 60. See Al Green's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Much-heralded Irish poet Seamus Heaney, whose Taurus daughter, Catherine, was my BFF in 9th grade, turns 65. Damn, I should Google her and see how she's doing. Happy birthday, Mr. Heaney! See Seamus Heaney's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Paul Sorvino also turns 65 today. However, I was never BFF with Mira. See Paul Sorvino's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

"Founding" "father" Thomas Jefferson would have been 263. With Uranus on the Capricorn Ascendant, no wonder he was a revolutionary in some ways, a reactionary in others. See Thomas Jefferson's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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TomKitten = KittyTaurus?

OMG! The April 17 issue of OK!'s U.S. edition reports that Katie Holmes' due date for her spawn-of-L.-Ron baby with Tom Cruise is April 21:

In recent weeks, Tom has been keeping busy not only working but also planning the birth of their little TomKitten—which OK! has learned is due to arrive on April 21—with senior members of the Church of Scientology.

This is astounding to me for two reasons: (1) Hasn't she been pregnant for, like, 17 months, with that bump changing size more often than Oprah? Haven't they been preparing with frankincense, myrrh, and silent-birth cue cards outside the Cruise Compound for weeks now? And more importantly, (2) April 21 is MY BIRTHDAY! Not only would I be terrified to share a birthday with this freak of nature, I will also be so pissed if I have to excuse myself from aging-related activities involving beer and cake to run its chart. (We Taureans love our beer and cake, let me tell you.)

Plus, I'm really not feeling the way an April 21 birth relates to Katie's chart. The baby's Sun at the very beginning of Taurus would be an awkward, uncomfortable fit with Katie's Sun, Moon and Ascendant in late degrees of fire signs (Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon and Ascendant). I can't see her really relating to an earth-sign child. (See Katie Holmes' birth chart; Astrotheme)

Meanwhile, Tom's Moon at 1° Leo would square TomKitten's Sun, suggesting that he may try to impose his own will on the baby's identity and in some ways assume the nurturing/mothering role himself. I mean, I'm all for nontraditional gender roles in parenting, but in his case all I can say is, ay que freak show! (See Tom Cruise's birth chart; Astrotheme)

Moreover, a baby born April 21 or up to a week later would have Sun conjuncting Katie's Chiron, the planet of wounding, possibly suggesting a C-section or a very painful birth. As we all know, Scientology forbids Katie to speak or take painkillers during the birth, which is downright disturbing. I mean, most red-blooded Americans enjoy talking and taking painkillers even when they're not in labor, so this really seems cruel and unusual. I am concerned about her giving birth during this time, especially in an environment that is so utterly unsupportive of her physical and emotional needs. C'mon, Katie, pop that tot out NOW, while the Sun is still in Aries—you will have such a better relationship with a fire-sign child than with an earth sign!

Related: No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly? (1/23/06)

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: April 12

O, how the gods have smiled upon the world this day, gifting us with a Buffy alumnus as well as a 90210 alumna! Truly, these folks were born under a fortunate star.

Actress Claire Danes celebrates her 27th today, while Mary Louise Parker sits at home with a voodoo doll. See Claire Danes' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

One of my most beloved Buffy characters, Xander, a.k.a. Nicholas Brendon, turns 35. See Nicholas Brendon's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

And as if that weren't exciting enough, my teenage role model, the bitchtastic Brenda Walsh, hot-headed Aries Shannen Doherty, also turns 35 today. She and Xander should totally do a show together! See Shannen Doherty's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Much as I hate women's music and folk music, I respect its existence, and therefore duly note that the Indigo Girls' Amy Ray hits 42 today.

Everclear frontman Art Alexakis turns 44.

Actor Andy Garcia turns 50. See Andy Garcia's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Author Tama Janowitz also turns 50. See Tama Janowitz's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Former teen idol David Cassidy celebrates his 56th today. See David Cassidy's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Maestro of snark David Letterman turns 59. See David Letterman's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Author of crap Tom Clancy also turns 59. See Tom Clancy's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Jazz artist Herbie Hancock hits 66. See Herbie Hancock's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Beloved children's author Beverly Cleary turns 90.

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: April 11

The Brit babe with the sunny expression and bluesy voice, Joss Stone, turns 19. Honey, you keep rocking those hippie frocks and don't listen to anyone who tells you different. You're freaking adorable, okay? See Joss Stone's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Jennifer Esposito, who is one of those famous people you've never heard of, 33. See Jennifer Esposito's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Joss wasn't the first Caucasian chick from the U.K. to belt out some seriously soulful pop, as the 40th birthday of Miss Lisa Stansfield reminds us all. See Lisa Stansfield's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor-director Vincent "Uncle Bad Touch" Gallo turns 44 today. Giving him attention only encourages him, so enough about that. See Vincent Gallo's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Bastard Out of Carolina author Dorothy Allison turns 57 today. If you can deal with the emotional intensity, that book is AH-mazing.

The rest of his storied career notwithstanding, Scorpio-rising actor Joel Grey, who turns 74 today, will always have a place in my heart as the guy who ALMOST succeeded in killing off Dawn on Buffy's Season 5 finale. I still don't get why Buffy had to jump into the abyss to her death when that really didn't accomplish the point, which was to stop Dawn's blood from flowing. Don't even get me started.... See Joel Grey's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

RFK's widow, Ethel Kennedy celebrates her 78 today. With Mars on her Pisces Ascendant, she projects an image of being strong and vulnerable at once. See Ethel Kennedy's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Monday, April 10, 2006

Moses Martin, Welcome to the World!

Mazel tov and all that good stuff to mama Gwyneth Paltrow, papa Chris Martin and big sister Apple (at right with Gwyn) on the birth of young Moses Martin, which, according to the paparazzi-party-pooping pair's reps, took place "this weekend." [Source] However, I must protest the dearth of birth data. This announcement is vaguer than Ricky Martin when discussing his sexuality. Um, is there anything more frustrating for an astrologer than a birth announcement with a two-to-three-day window? I mean, we live for exact birth data like celeb photographers live for first-baby-photo exclusives and drunken-ingenue nipple slips. "Weekend" could mean any time from Friday to Sunday (April 7–9), giving Moses either a Leo Moon or a Virgo Moon. Among other things, the Moon depicts how the person views his or her mother. With these two signs, Moses would perceive his momma either as a full-of-herself supastah or a controlling, neurotic macrobiotic, so that could really go either way.*

At the very least, we can say that a little Aries will vibe nicely with a Libra mom like Gwyneth (see Gwyneth Paltrow's birth chart; Astrotheme). His Venus conjuncts her Ascendant, fostering an empathic connection between them. With his Sun opposite her Uranus, his Uranus on her Ascaendant, and his Mars in Gemini on her Saturn, Moses will be constantly surprising his mom and she will have to keep a watchful eye on him as he's always running around getting into trouble. Once this kid reaches the terrible twos, Gwynnie won't need Ashtanga yoga to stay fit; she'll be too busy chasing after him.

Likewise, Moses' Uranus is right on dad Chris's Sun (see Chris Martin's birth chart; Astrotheme), signifying that he will bring a lot of unpredictable behavior and shake-ups into his father's life. Even Apple, who has a nice Venus-Mars bond with her baby brother, also has a Uranian connection with Moses, with his Venus on her Uranus (see Apple Martin's birth chart; Astrotheme). This kid is definitely going to turn this family on its ear. I'm starting to think Moses might turn out to be a little hyperactive and ADHDy, which would be kinda ironic considering Gwyneth would probably sooner give her children crystal meth than let them eat white sugar. All's I'm saying is, a few years from now, I would not be surprised to see the Paltrow-Martins tearing their collective hair out on "Celebrity Nanny 911."

That's about as much insight I can give working with aspects from the slower-moving planets, which would be in effect throughout the weekend. The P-Ms are bound to cough up a date and time sooner or later, and when they do, stay tuned for an update!*

*UPDATE: Moses' birth date and time have been revealed. Check out his birth chart and the analysis.

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Celeb Birthdays: April 10

Awkwardly transitioning child actor Haley Joel Osment turns 18. See Haley Joel Osment's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Mandy Moore turns 22 today -- stay tuned for an analysis of her relationship with fiancé Zach Braff. See Mandy Moore's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Michael Pitt, who has played serial killers but will always be Jen's Dawson's Creek boy-toy to me, turns 25.See Michael Pitt's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Rappers Q-Tip, of A Tribe Called Quest, and Psycho Les, of the Beatnuts, both turn 36 today. 36

Actor-comedian Orlando Jones is 38.

Brian Setzer of the Stray Cats and that brief, ill-conceived late-'90s swing revival, turns 47.See Brian Setzer's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

R&B singer-producer Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds is 48.

Hint for Steven Seagal, 55: If you use Buddhism as a method of self-aggrandizement (e.g. "I'm so the reincarnation of, like, this big-time lama"), you have probably missed the point of Buddhism. With that Aries Sun–Leo Ascendant trine, no wonder he's so full of himself. See Steven Seagal's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Omar Sharif is 74. Dig that Sun-Mercury-Uranus conjunction in Aries -- I would not want to piss him off. See Omar Sharif's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Max von Sydow, 77, has been in a million movies, but to me he will always be Emperor Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon. See Max von Sydow's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Will Brad and Angelina Ever Wed?

Reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have arrived in Namibia, Africa, have spurred rumors that Angelina will give birth to the season's most hotly anticipated celebrity baby there. [Source] However, Media-Darling.com's Brangelina bureau has astutely noted that, seeing as how they rented out the whole damn resort, they might actually be planning a wedding in baby Zahara's home continent. As faithful readers know, the baby is reportedly due May 18, and clearly Angelina thinks nothing of flying during pregnancy, so who knows where they could end up by the time of the birth. Hence, I was immediately drawn to the Namibia nuptials hypothesis.

However, upon glancing at their birth charts (Brad Pitt's astrological chart; Angelina Jolie's astrological chart - Astrotheme), I began to have my doubts that this couple will make it to the altar anytime soon. It concerns me that Neptune is passing over a most sensitive point in both Angelina's and Brad's natal charts, and that the rumors about Angelina's reluctance to make an honest woman of Brad could be all too true.

Neptune, the planet of fantasy, illusion and deception, entered Angelina's 7th house of partnership on December 30, 1997, and soon afterward entered Aquarius, the sign of mass media and public perception as well as unconventional, unpredictable behavior. A little over a year later, she divorced actor Jonny Lee Miller [Source] and began her ascendance as a sex symbol, tabloid magnet and crazy-in-love poster child. (Let's not even get into the whole Billy Bob Thornton/vials of blood thing.)

Neptune is now approaching the cusp between Angelina's 7th and 8th houses, the spot in the chart that represents (among other things) the relationship turning point when a partnership deepens and two people become one. With the planet of fantasy and illusion here, Angelina may vacillate between feeling like she's achieved her ideal union with her partner, and worrying that she has deceived herself or is being deceived. There have been many tabloid rumors that even as she and Brad approach the ultimate closeness point of having their first bio-baby together, Angie is tweaking out worrying that he'll abandon her and the kids just as her father, Jon Voight, peaced out when she was a tot. (Not to mention that Billy Bob took off as soon as she adopted Maddox.)

Fittingly, Brad's Saturn, signifying commitment, responsibility and fatherhood, is at 19° Aquarius, a hair away from Angelina's 8th-house cusp and right under transiting Neptune. So indeed it would seem that Neptune is clouding Angie's perception of Brad's ability to be a dad for the long haul -- and quite possibly casting doubt on Brad's belief in his own readiness to assume the paternal mantle. Going from zero to three kids in one year is a lot, especially for a freewheeling double Sagittarius like Brad.

I wish I could say that this uncertainty and lack of clarity clouding Angelina's view will evaporate as soon as those pregnancy hormones switch off. But Neptune will turn retrograde on May 22, a few days after the baby's due date, at 19°49" Aquarius, less than a degree away from Angie's 8th house cusp and Brad's Saturn, as well as sextiling Brad's Sun. (Not to mention that Pluto is retrograding toward his Sun, auguring transformation.) Could the birth of the baby bring a change of heart for one or both of them? Will Angie vent confusing postpartum feelings onto Brad? Will he run out for a quart of soy milk and never return?

We all hope these scenarios do not come to pass and that Brangelina will have many more beautiful children to populate the earth... but honestly, this couple has a long way to go before they can clarify their commitment issues. Neptune, which moves slowly and retrogrades often, is going to be oscillating back and forth over Angie's 8th-house cusp, and Brad's Saturn, for close to two years. Not until January 18, 2008, will Neptune enter Angelina's 8th house for good.

Brad and Angelina obviously have some strong connections, but it will take a lot of work for them to gain complete clarity on their relationship, especially in the glare of the Neptune-in-Aquarius spotlight. No matter what, their outlooks on life will be transformed by the birth of the baby. The challenge for these two changeable mutable signs is to trust enough in their bond to grow together, rather than apart.

Related: Does Brad and Angelina's Wedding Date Draw Nigh? (3/10/06)

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Celeb Birthdays: April 9

Wow, if you were born today, you share your birthday with some wildly mediocre celebrities, plus a couple of legendary smutmongers.

Be afraid, be very afraid, of teen TV stars who also release albums, such as Jesse McCartney, rapidly approaching obsolescence at 19. See Jesse McCartney's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Youngest Cosby kid Keshia Knight-Pulliam has reached 27 without any apparent downward spiral into meth addiction like the girl from Full House, so good for her! See Keshia Knight-Pulliam's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

In the public consciousness for far fewer of those same 27 years is Albert Hammond Jr. of the Strokes.

Smutmonger number one, porn queen Jenna Jameson, turns 32. Not that I'm judging -- heck, the chick's practically a brand by now, so more power to her. Although, with that Sun-Chiron conjunction in Aries, I'm a bit worried that her sexual assertiveness masks a deep-seated inner pain. See Jenna Jameson's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Cynthia Nixon, whom I totally swear I saw at the C-Town supermarket in Prospect Heights with her girlfriend right before they were outed, turns 40 today. See Cynthia Nixon's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

'80s supermodel, bride of insect man Ric Ocasek and star of some highly annoying FreshDirect ads (especially if you watch the Food Network 6+ hours a day and see them constantly), Paulina Porizkova, turns 41. See Paulina Porizkova's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Okay, I make an exception for Dennis Quaid, who is totally not mediocre and gets nowhere near enough credit, and at 52 is one of the few men in Hollywood who is actually remaining a hottie as he gets older, as opposed to the saggy, disgusto cretins like Michael Douglas and Jack Nicholson who are always raved about as looking great because it would crush their egos to point out that they're repulsive. See Dennis Quaid's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Speaking of male egos, that brings us to smutmonger number two, the master manipulator of male insecurities...Hugh Hefner, who turns 80 -- or, as he calls it, "the new 40" -- today. With his Virgo rising, I tend to think his whole pimped-out image is a bit calculated. With Mars and Jupiter together in Aquarius, he's interested in bringing sexuality to the masses but not necessarily all that passionate on a personal level. See Hugh Hefner's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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