Kimora Lee's Trines and Tribulations

As faithful readers will recall, I recently did Kimora Lee Simmons' chart (See Kimora Lee's birth chart, exclusive to Media-Darling.com - no birth time), and I must say, the grand trine in water signs is really hitting her pretty hard. While I was rather relieved that her husband Russell filed for divorce, as she seemed a hoochie unworthy of the founding father of hip-hop and NYC's future mayor (in my fantasy world), I thought it was rather tacky that Russell, who claims to be all Mr. Enlightened Yoga-Meditation Guy, would pull a Donald Trump and trade her in for a younger model before even announcing the split. [Source]

One might think that having established her name as a designer and businesswoman, she would not really care one way or the other about parting ways with her sugar daddy. But looking at her chart, it's clear that Kimora's life is actually being turned upside down.

The present grand trine in water signs between Mars in Cancer, Jupiter in Scorpio and Uranus in Pisces is fostering tremendous creativity and ingenuity, but it's also creating an atmosphere of emotional hypersensitivity, an urge to overindulge and a sense of drifting or being tossed around on a roiling ocean. Tempers can get out of control while Mars, Jupiter and Uranus are egging each other on.

For Kimora, this experience of feeling chaotic or out of control is particularly intense. Uranus, the planet of disruption, is on her Mars; Mars is right on her Saturn in Cancer; and retrograde Jupiter in Scorpio is approaching an exact opposition to her Taurus Sun (and perhaps a square to her Moon, if she was actually born close to sunrise as this default-time chart depicts. She really feels like she has been shaken to her foundation (Saturn in Cancer), with her M.O. (Mars) being completely upended (Uranus). The life changes she's going through may ultimately help her grow (Jupiter in Scorpio) and become more aware of her values (Sun in Taurus), but right now it just feels like she has no power over what's happening and her Taurean need for security (financial as well as emotoional) has been utterly undermined.

It will be interesting to see if Kimora's public face of unflagging fabulosity will show any cracks as she copes with this crisis. She is definitely going through some inner turmoil, to the point that she might come out of this experience a less shallow, superficial and self-absorbed person. Hey, I said might—believe me, no one would be more surprised than I.

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Check Out the New Celebrity Chart Vault

Just a heads-up about a new feature of Media-Darling.com. Since we've been keeping tabs on the birth charts of celebrity babies like Moses and Suri, plus celebrities whose charts just can't be found elsewhere online for whatever reason, we have compiled a library of these natal horoscopes for handy reference.

Visit Media-Darling.com's Celebrity Charts Vault now and bookmark it for breaking developments in the world of celebrity baby deliveries. The offspring of Brangelina, Gwen and Gavin, and, though it pains me to presume it, Britney are still yet to arrive and be analyzed!

Sign up for the Media-Darling.com newsletter and you'll get weekly updates when new charts are added to the vault (along with the scoop on other new features). It's free, and we won't sell or share your personal information.

Thank you for your time. Please drive through.

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Celeb Birthdays: May 6

Gentle readers, I am forced to begin today's birthday post with a bit of controversy. On April 26 I reported that alien-faced model/child bride Melania Knauss Trump was turning 36, per IMDB, but now I see that Astrotheme has a new chart for Melania with a birth date of May 6, 1974. And a search of the Interwebs reveals that there is a discrepancy in birth dates for her ranging from April 26, 1970 to May 6, 1970 to May 6, 1974. So, if you know Melania's true birth data, please let me know! Until then, I can tell you one thing: no matter which date is correct, a Taurus should not be married to a Gemini like Donald Trump.

Now, on to the rest of the birthdays....

George Clooney is 45 today. Check out Celeb AstroBlogy's analysis of why George Clooney is not the marrying kind, which includes his natal horoscope.

Actress Roma Downey is 46. See Roma Downey's birth chart (Astrotheme)

British politican Tony Blair, whom I used to like until the whole war thing, turns 53. He is Gemini rising with Mars conjuncting the Ascendant from the 12th house, so he may be a bit duplicitous and secretive when it comes to matters of aggression. See Tony Blair's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Tiresome rocker Bob Seger turns 61. See Bob Seger's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Birth dates from IMDB.com unless otherwise indicated. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Celeb Birthdays: May 5

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Make sure you celebrate the liberation of an oppressed people by pushing your blood alcohol level to its upper limit! (Please note: Media-Darling.com and its proprietors will not be held liable for the consequences of following this advice.)

Vanessa Bryant, wife of Kobe, turns 24. Well, Tauruses are known for being loyal, and for liking jewelry. See Vanessa Bryant's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

British R&B singer Craig David is 25; he may or may not still be popular in his homeland, so I figured I'd mention it. See Craig David's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

R&B singer Tamia is 31. See Tamia's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Family Ties' Tina Yothers, poster child for the tragic Tina Yothers Syndrome (TYS), in which a cute child actor hits puberty and morphs into a monstrosity with a giant freak head (see also that kid from Growing Pains) turns 33, and actually is looking as better than ever these days with her darker, non-Aqua-Netted hair, I must say. See Tina Yothers's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Black Sabbath drummer Bill Ward is 56. See Bill Ward's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Wry MTV News guru and Madonna worshipper Kurt Loder is 61. Yet somehow I suspect he has not yet quit chain-smoking. Oh, Kurt, we need you around to educate the kids!

Monty Python's Michael Palin turns 63. I have such trouble telling them apart, except for John Cleese. Was he the one who wasn't John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda? That was a damned funny movie. See Michael Palin's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

I loves me some Lance Henriksen. He was so good in Aliens, one of the finest films of all time, and even though I never really got into that X-Files-y show he was on because I just don't have the attention span to follow TV dramas with long-term plot arcs, I just think he is Hollywood's finest go-to creepily intense guy. Happy 66th, Lance! See Lance Henriksen's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

The Brady Bunch's loyal servant Alice, a.k.a. Ann B. Davis, is hopefully living large off her royalties at 80.

Gourmand James Beard would have been 103 today. Of course the man who invented awards for food would be a Taurus! See James Beard's chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

French publisher Louis Hachette, who is perhaps not of interest to you but apparently founded the publishing company I now write horoscopes for and therefore deserves a shoutout in my book, would also have been 103 today. See Louis Hachette's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Karl Marx, whose theory of materialism was quintessentially Taurean in its emphasis on money and tangible assets as the basis of human existence, would have been 188 today. Karl Marx's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard would have been 193 today. Or would he? See Søren Kierkegaard's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Kimora Lee's Birth Chart

As I was writing yesterday's celebrity birthdays post I could not find Kimora Lee (I am preemptively dropping the Simmons from her name)'s natal chart online, which struck me as a gross oversight on the part of the Interwebs. Clearly, Kimora is what is known as a "piece of work," and therefore merits study by the astrological community. Therefore, as a public service, I have posted her chart (no birth time; please email me if you know it) online.

See Kimora Lee's birth chart

I'll follow up with an analysis later, but clearly it is absurdly late.

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Celeb Birthdays: May 4

Much-rumored-about N'Sync-er Lance Bass turns 27. See if you can find any astrological clues about his sexuality in his natal chart. See Lance Bass's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Green Day bassist Mike Dirnt is 33. See Mike Dirnt's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Former SNLer Ana Gasteyer, whose Martha Stewart Topless Christmas sketch will always have a place in my heart, is turning 39 and actually appearing on the Martha show on Friday. Ummm...I mean, I can't remember where I heard that, because I definitely do not have my DVR set to tape Martha every day. Why, that would be pathetic! (Look, I fast-forward through everything but the cooking segments, okay? Don't judge me!)

Randy Travis, who I've gathered is a country artist of some sort, is 47. He is also a double Taurus, so it is safe to assume his songs are about drinking and women. See Randy Travis's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Now, I am definitely not trying to validate the phenomenon of skanky, leeching, beyond-murderous-Texas-cheerleader-mom-conniving mothers of celebrities becoming household names in their own right. But if noting the 51st birthday of one Lynne Spears allows me to better understand the inner workings of her plucky but troubled daughter Britney, then so be it. I have searched in vain for Lynne's place of birth; please email me if you know it (and better yet, her birth time) so I can run a chart.

I can't remember exactly what Pia Zadora did back when she, um, did things...was she actually an actress? A model? Wasn't she too short to be a model? Well, she turns 52 today. In retrospect, this was probably not worth mentioning. See Pia Zadora's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Motley Crüe groupies probably won't even notice that Mick Mars is 55, as he has been looking haggard as all hell for a good 20 years now.

Exquisitely odious Breakfast Club principal Paul Gleason is 61 today. Much love! Whoa, that is one heck of a bowl formation in his chart. See Paul Gleason's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Celeb Birthdays: May 3

These celebs share a birthday with Senior Research Chief and Senior Brangelinalysist Karen. Happy b-day KC!

Kimora Lee soon-to-no-longer-be-Simmons celebrates her 31st in the midst of a divorce, but something tells me her greedy little Taurus ass is walking away very well taken care of.

Hip-hop mogul Damon Dash is 35.

Cancer-rising crooner Frankie Valli, who apparently is still alive, is 71. See Frankie Valli's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Singer James Brown, also surprisingly not dead considering the looks of him in that mugshot, is 73. See James Brown's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Folkie Pete Seeger, who coincidentally lives in Karen's town, bringing this whole thing full circle, is 87. See Pete Seeger's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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The 5 Most Intriguing Celebrity Searches of the Month: April

Although I have worked in the online industry for what seems like an eternity now and have always hated and dreaded any part of the job that forces me to crunch traffic reports, now that I have this blog I am mildly obsessed with them. It is strangely fascinating to see what people are searching for on search engines that brings them to Celeb AstroBlogy. I often wonder who these people are and why they care about these subjects (ironic, perhaps, as I am the one who has actually written about them).

As April has just drawn to a close, I thought it would be fun to share the top 5 search terms—not in terms of popularity, mind you (those would be, as usual, Angelina's due date, Britney, and J.Lo)—but those that brought me personally the most amusement and curiosity.

Here, then, are April's top 5 most intriguing search strings, arbitrarily determined by Kitty, with links to the articles that contained these keywords.

• why is heather locklear mad at denise richards - Um, hello, do you have to ask?

• up to date celeb nipple slips - I'm sure this person was very disappointed after clicking on this result.

• 7 people searched for dolly lama, which made me happy.

• george stephanopoulos is a hottie - Yes. Yes, he is.

• is paula abdul crazy? - Yes. Yes, she is.

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Celeb Birthdays: May 2

The destroyer of my beloved Michelle Kwan's Olympic hopes, bowl-cutted monstrosity Sarah Hughes, is 21.

Superhot soccer hottie David Beckham celebrates 31 years of extreme hotness. See David Beckham's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Wrestler-actor (a most dreaded hyphenate, to be sure) Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is 34. See Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Excessively fabulous designer Donatella Versace, a luxury-loving double Taurus, is 51. See Donatella Versace's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Christine Baranski is 54. See Christine Baranski's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Foreigner singer Lou Gramm is 56. See Lou Gramm's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Pop singer and lesbian icon Lesley Gore hits 60. See Lesley Gore's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Whatever-it-is-she-does Bianca Jagger turns 61. See Bianca Jagger's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Engelbert Humperdinck turns 70. Technically, since he was born in India, he should probably have his chart done Vedic-style. See Engelbert Humperdinck's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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Celeb Birthdays: May 1

This is a day of pure F-list, people, enlivened only by the bright spot of a Buffy birthday...

...star of the very first scene of the very first episode of Buffy, Julie Benz, a.k.a. Darla, who turns 34 today. See Julie Benz's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Smashing Pumpkin D'arcy Wretzky turns 38.

Country musician and Faith Hill baby-daddy Tim McGraw is 38.

Dann Florek, that weasel-faced little man (and I don't mean that in a mean way) from SVU, is 56. See Dann Florek's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Leo-rising folkie Judy Collins is 67. See Judy Collins's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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George Clooney: Not the Marrying Kind

George Clooney's 45th birthday is coming up on May 6, and love him or hate him (I find myself grudgingly respecting him for his politics and candor, despite my annoyance at his smugness), you have to admit he's a stubborn Taurus who sticks to his guns. With the Sun conjunct Mercury (thought and communication) in Taurus in the 2nd house of values (Taurus' natural comfort zone), he's very smart in a canny, pragmatic way. See George Clooney's birth chart (Astrotheme) And he always speaks what's on his mind. Or does he?

One of the many things George has been up front about is that after one failed attempt, he will never marry again. And while he may come off as a dreamy romantic to wishful-thinking women like Teri Hatcher thanks to that Pisces Ascendant, his sensitive rising sign is masking Venus in self-centered Aries in the 1st house—which suggests that he indeed is perfectly happy being independent and commitment-free, and in fact would probably prefer that women not sleep over after having sex with him.

But what about the rumors that the reason George isn't the marrying kind might be that, well, he is of the kind that can't get married (except in Massachusetts)? Now, this is actually kind of interesting in light of some of the aspects in his natal chart.

Deceptive Neptune in the 8th house of sexuality, retrograde in the highly sexual sign of Scorpio, is the ruler of George's Pisces Ascendant, and opposes his Sun. Chiron, the planet of wounding, conjuncts the Ascendant from the secretive 12th house, where it joins the South Node, a kind of karmic weak point. There might be some skeletons in the Clooney closet.

The Moon in ambitious Capricorn in the 11th house of the public and mass opinion conjuncts its ruler, repressive Saturn, dignified in its own sign of Capricorn. This adds to the pragmatism of George's Taurus Sun and Mercury, and makes him detached and restrained when it comes to expressing his feelings. With Mars in Leo in the 5th house forming an almost exact out-of-sign opposition to Saturn, there is definitely some intense passion inside him bursting to express itself, but it may be stifled by his ambitions as well as by his general emotional repression.

With Uranus having just crossed his Ascendant, this is doubtless a time of upheaval for George, during which he is finding his sense of self thrown for a loop. In mid-June, Uranus will station and turn retrograde, crossing George's Ascendant again in mid-September, then again moving forward in January 2007. If indeed the Cloon has been leading a secret double life, repressing his true feelings, it could all burst out in the open now. It will be very interesting to watch what happens in George's personal life over the next several months. Hey, he's won an Oscar, he's pretty much at the point in his career when he can pick his projects, and he's a man who's known for standing up for his principles... why not be who he wants to be and let the chips fall where they may?

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More Warning Signs for Lindsay Lohan

In last week's item on Lindsay Lohan, I discussed the SNL cast's concern for her well-being. However, I neglected to note the full effect of this coming week's grand trine in water signs on La Lindsay. The planetary influences could bring out her addictive tendencies in a big way.

As Mars crosses Lindsay's Sun in Cancer tomorrow, it will be forming a trine aspect (a harmonious, flowing aspect) to retrograde Jupiter in Scorpio and Uranus in Pisces. This grand trine, a triangle-shaped configuration that unites all three signs of the same element, makes things come very easily to Linds... but with the water signs, the overreaching of Jupiter, and the volatility of Uranus, this could mean gratifying her more self-destructive urges.

If Lindsay does not want to wake up in yet another hospital bed, or worse yet, in the bed of someone even less attractive than Brett Ratner, she will need to seriously check herself for the next couple of weeks. We're talking eat something before you start drinking, honey!!! And switch to water as soon as the urge to have intercourse with someone who looks like Brett Ratner arises. This grand trine will be in effect until mid-May-ish, so my advice to Linds would be to steer clear of the hard-core party circuit for a while. It's for your own good, my dear: Friends don't let friends hook up with fat older skeezeballs!

Related:
Lindsay Lohan: Intervention Time Again! (4/23/06) Lindsay Lohan's World Hospital Tour (2/1/06)

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Celeb Birthdays: April 30

Hard to believe Hollywood veteran Kirsten Dunst is only 24. Honestly, I don't understand exactly why everyone on the Interwebs seems to hate her so much (I mean, it started before the handicapped parking incident, so it can't just be that), but hey, please feel free to post a vitriol-filled comment clueing me in. See Kirsten Dunst's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

G-Unit rapper Lloyd Banks also turns 24 today. Maybe he and Kiki should kick it together? See Lloyd Banks's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Johnny Galecki, a.k.a. the adorable David on Roseanne, is 31. I always thought his character was a Cancer, as straight Cancer men tend to be rather like lesbians trapped in men's bodies.

Ex-98° singer Jeff Timmons hits 33 without even a reality show to show for himself. Jeff, I hope you've faxed your resume to the Surreal Life people! They start a new season of that show every 15 minutes!

Two artsy-fartsy directors, Dane Lars von Trier and Kiwi Jane Campion share a birthday; he's 50 and she's 52. Maybe they should kick it together? See Lars von Trier's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time) | See Jane Campion's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Jill Clayburgh, whom I have no opinion of whatsoever, is 62. See Jill Clayburgh's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

laconically enlightened Leo-rising Redheaded Stranger Willie Nelson is incomparably indefatigable at 73. He has a Sun-Venus conjunction right on the Midheaven, accounting for his enduring vocal success, and Mercury and Uranus in Aries making him a fiercely iconoclastic maverick. See Willie Nelson's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Seemingly ubiquitous actress Cloris Leachman, a double Taurus, is 80. See Cloris Leachman's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

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