Celeb Birthdays: May 5

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Make sure you celebrate the liberation of an oppressed people by pushing your blood alcohol level to its upper limit! (Please note: Media-Darling.com and its proprietors will not be held liable for the consequences of following this advice.)

Vanessa Bryant, wife of Kobe, turns 24. Well, Tauruses are known for being loyal, and for liking jewelry. See Vanessa Bryant's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

British R&B singer Craig David is 25; he may or may not still be popular in his homeland, so I figured I'd mention it. See Craig David's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

R&B singer Tamia is 31. See Tamia's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Family Ties' Tina Yothers, poster child for the tragic Tina Yothers Syndrome (TYS), in which a cute child actor hits puberty and morphs into a monstrosity with a giant freak head (see also that kid from Growing Pains) turns 33, and actually is looking as better than ever these days with her darker, non-Aqua-Netted hair, I must say. See Tina Yothers's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Black Sabbath drummer Bill Ward is 56. See Bill Ward's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Wry MTV News guru and Madonna worshipper Kurt Loder is 61. Yet somehow I suspect he has not yet quit chain-smoking. Oh, Kurt, we need you around to educate the kids!

Monty Python's Michael Palin turns 63. I have such trouble telling them apart, except for John Cleese. Was he the one who wasn't John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda? That was a damned funny movie. See Michael Palin's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

I loves me some Lance Henriksen. He was so good in Aliens, one of the finest films of all time, and even though I never really got into that X-Files-y show he was on because I just don't have the attention span to follow TV dramas with long-term plot arcs, I just think he is Hollywood's finest go-to creepily intense guy. Happy 66th, Lance! See Lance Henriksen's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

The Brady Bunch's loyal servant Alice, a.k.a. Ann B. Davis, is hopefully living large off her royalties at 80.

Gourmand James Beard would have been 103 today. Of course the man who invented awards for food would be a Taurus! See James Beard's chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

French publisher Louis Hachette, who is perhaps not of interest to you but apparently founded the publishing company I now write horoscopes for and therefore deserves a shoutout in my book, would also have been 103 today. See Louis Hachette's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Karl Marx, whose theory of materialism was quintessentially Taurean in its emphasis on money and tangible assets as the basis of human existence, would have been 188 today. Karl Marx's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard would have been 193 today. Or would he? See Søren Kierkegaard's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.