Thursday, March 30, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: March 30

Dear readers, I will be sojourning in a part of our country unsullied by Internet access this weekend. Therefore, Media-Darling.com will not be updated during this time. (I will be so friggin' pissed if Katie Holmes spawns her alien while I'm offline!) Please try to contain your dismay and consternation, and enjoy these celebrity birthdays.

Rapper/grill stylist Paul Wall is 26 today. Check out this hilarious homage to his oeuvre from my peeps at AOL Music. (Hi Amee!)

Erstwhile Williamsburg hipster and Grammy darling Norah Jones turns 27.

Kelly Ripa's studly sperminator Mark Consuelos is 36.

Creepy Canadian chanteuse Céline Dion celebrates her 38th birthday. See Céline Dion's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Baywatch babe and ex-Crüe trophy bride Donna D'Errico is 38.

Yaaay, a Buffy birthday! At 35, Juliet Landau is as ageless as her undead alter ego, Drusilla. See Juliet Landau's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

I love 90210 stars almost as much as Buffy stars! Even the cheeseball Ian Ziering, who is 42 today. He shares his birthday with feminist folk singer Tracy Chapman, which just goes to show you how important an accurate birth time is, because they sure as heck do not have a whole lot in common.

Much like his Mad About You costar Helen Hunt, Paul Reiser has gone from '90s ubiquity to dropping off the face of the earth. Nevertheless, I wish him a happy 49th with fond memories of him as skeezy Burke in Aliens. See Paul Reiser's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Punk pioneer Lene Lovich is (eek!) 57 today. See Lene Lovich's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Vincent van Gogh, who loved color and let it show, would have been 153 today. See Vincent van Gogh's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: March 29

Whoo-boy, how's that total solar eclipse in Pisces treating everybody? Let me just note that it is not by chance that the words "lunatic" and "loony" derive from the word "lunar," as in the influence that predominates when the Moon BLOTS OUT THE ENTIRE FREAKIN' SUN AND PEOPLE START ACTING CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS. Good to know, eh?

Tennis star Jennifer Capriati turns 30 today. I don't know why Matthew Perry, a Leo, couldn't make it work with a nice Aries girl like her. See Jennifer Capriati's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Erstwhile warrior princess and mistress of tongue-in-cheek humor, Lucy Lawless is 38. Judge me if you will -- but I loves me some Xena! See Lucy Lawless' astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Harmonica virtuoso John Popper of Blues Traveler is alive and well at 39. (Shoutout to my girl Crash Tester P.)

Blue Ginger chef, and my mom's celebrity crush, Ming Tsai is 42. (Shoutout to my mom.)

The yawn-inducing Elle Macpherson is 43. With four planets in Aries, I totally bet she's all "me, me, me." See Elle Macpherson's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

M.C. Hammer has survived 44 years of ups, downs, crashes, burns, and baggy pants. With an Aquarius Moon, he's touched the people as a rapper and a preacher, and even bonded with Vince Neil. Praise the Lawd! See M.C. Hammer's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Comedienne and cupcake queen Amy Sedaris turns 45. Can't WAIT for the Strangers with Candy flick (SJP notwithstanding)!

Jane's Addiction frontman and Lollapalooza mastermind Perry Farrell is still arguably true to his name at 47. (Per-i-pher-al, get it? It's kind of like Adam Ant.)

Having endured many a Highlander movie in the company of my high school boyfriend, I would be remiss if I did not note that actor Christopher Lambert turns 49 today. See Christopher Lambert's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Monthy Python's Eric Idle turns 63. With his Sun trining his Leo Ascendant, no wonder he's so good at hamming (spamming?) it up. See Eric Idle's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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Yet Another Angelina Due Date Update

The Brangelina baby watch continues. To recap: The initial reports had her due around her own birthday in early June. Now, after recently reporting a mid-May due date for Angelina Jolie's first biological boobah, Star has gone so far as to peg the date as May 18 in its April 3 issue:

"'The official due date is May 18,' a source close to the Pitts tells Star.... Star consulted numerologist-astrologist Carmen Harra, author of Decoding Your Destiny. Here are her predictions: 'He -- and I'm feeling male energy -- will be extremely creative. He will be handsome and thoughtful, loving and charismatic -- but not overly emotional. His strongest connection will be with his mother.'"

Before we move on to my own reading of the May 18 chart, a few passing comments. First of all, I HATE, HATE, HATE when people refer to astrologers as "astrologists." That would be like a celeb referring to her "styler" or "publicer." Second of all, every astrologer knows you cannot tell gender from a birth chart. Yes, you can pick up on masculine energy, but that could just as easily mean a little baby butch girl -- especially with a badass mama like Angelina. Third of all, way to go foreseeing that a newborn baby's strongest bond will be with its mother. That is some keen predictive power, boy. (Not that I am in any way bitter that the Star did not call me for an expert opinion on a Taurus baby for Brangelina. It's not like I am an expert on Brangelina or Tauruses. But whatever, I'm totally enlightened and so over it.)

Anyhoo, if born on May 18, the Brangelina baby will not necessarily be butch so much as have a nontraditional sense of gender and a refreshingly free interplay of "masculine" and "feminine" traits, what with masculine Mars in nurturing Cancer and feminine Venus in Mars-ruled Aries. Especially if born after 8:00 AM (I'm assuming a birthplace of Paris, France, since the tabloid consensus seems to be that Angie wants her baby born there as opposed to early frontrunners L.A. and Africa) with a progressive, experimental Aquarius Moon, Branjunior/Brangelette would be a nonconformist in terms of gender roles. With a tight Sun-Mercury conjunction in Taurus, mini-Brange would be very bright and, yes, creative. The Jupiter-Uranus trine in water signs contributes to the creativity as well as the progressive mindset. This chart certainly fits the child of two actors who travel the world and adopt children from different cultures, not to mention a mom who is unabashedly bisexual, flies planes at 7+ months pregnant and will probably be squeezing into black leather catsuits within weeks of giving birth.

A May 18 birthday for Brangelissimo would mean Venus on Angelina's Jupiter (and possibly Moon opposite her Venus/Ascendant, depending on birth time) as well as Pluto on Brad Pitt's Sun, signifying how his life and sense of self would be transformed by the baby. (Pluto is slow-moving, so this aspect would be in effect even if the baby is not born right on May 18.) With the Sun-Mercury conjunction in late Taurus trining Brad's Moon-Venus, I actually think the little one might be more connected to Brad (you hear that, Carmen Harra? It's ON!) in the long run. With the baby's Neptune on Brad's Saturn, he would be a doting dad -- the kid could easily charm his/her way out of any kind of discipline or punishment because Brad adores him/her so much.

Of course, even if the Star has obtained the true due date (seems to me celebs often plant fake dates to maintain their privacy around the blessed event), there's no guarantee that Brandene will come into the world as scheduled. (Well, unless they, um, schedule the delivery. They can do that these days.) For instance, the kid could easily pop out a few days earlier with his/her Moon in Sagittarius conjuncting Brad's Sun. But this due date does seem like it's in the ballpark, with the way it depicts Brad's heart being utterly melted, and Angelina feeling blessed (Venus conjunct her Jupiter), by the bambino/a. Needless to say, I will be keeping an ear out for any further due date updates and encourage you to email me if you find any.

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Celeb Birthdays: March 27-28

ARIES

Folks, I apologize for the absurdly tardy post. My excuses are as follows: (1) Mercury, while in direct motion, is still working its way back up to speed, and (2) I am but the latest prominent personality to fall victim to the exhaustion epidemic that is sweeping the nation, and almost claimed the life of our star birthday girl, left. Forget about bird flu -- exhaustion, and its dread handmaiden, dehydration, are the true scourges of the 21st century!

  • March 27

    Stacy Ferguson, a.k.a. Fergie, of the Black Eyed Peas, turns 31. Hmm, really, 31? Okay, hon, if you say so.... See Fergie's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    The lovely, delightful and slightly unhinged diva Miss Mariah Carey celebrates 36 years of drama. I know I've been promising you the Mariah chart analysis for quite some time now -- it's coming, people, seriously! Meanwhile, check out this cray-zay Aries stellium in the 10th house. See Mariah Carey's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

    We should all be so lucky as actress Talisa Soto, who gets spend to her 39th birthday with hubby Benjamin Bratt and their two cute-ass kids. It's best not to think about it. See Talisa Soto's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    With his Moon in Taurus, Uma Thurman's Sun sign, no wonder director Quentin Tarantino, 43 today, has made her his muse. See Quentin Tarantino's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

  • March 28

    Hollywood hasn't heard from Columbia alumna Julia Stiles in a minute, but just in case she resumes being famous, please note that she is 25 today. See Julia Stiles' astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    Country music and sitcom star Reba McEntire celebrates her 51st birthday.

    Lost Boys mom Dianne Wiest -- who may or may not have been in some other, less acclaimed movies; I can't really recall -- turns 58 today. See Dianne Wiest's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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  • Monday, March 27, 2006

    Paula Abdul Is Acting Cuckoo Crazy

    While I do not personally enjoy American Idol, I do love a good celebrity meltdown. Hence I am most intrigued by Paula Abdul's apparent descent into incoherence on the show, which has spawned rumors that she is on drugs and about to be fired. [Source (one of many, this report was the funniest]

    With the transiting Jupiter in Scorpio-Neptune in Aquarius square forming a T-square with her Mars in Taurus, Paula may be a bit, shall we say, woozy or off kilter. Jupiter-Neptune can invite self-medication and/or overindulgence. And she is heading for a potentially turbulent, chaotic time as Pluto in Sagittarius draws closer to the opposition to her Gemini Sun and trines her natal Uranus in Leo. See Paula Abdul's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

    Paula definitely needs to watch herself right now if she doesn't want to get fired from her Idol gig. In his indispensable book Planets in Transit, Robert Hand says of the Pluto opposite Sun transit: "One dangerous aspect of this transit is that it may trigger off a conflict with persons in authority over you.... These people can do you more harm than most, and you should be very careful." (Hand also advises care for one's body, warning of a possible "health breakdown" during this transit.)

    This Pluto-Sun opposition can bring the potential to reinvent one's life and make a fresh start, and with Pluto also trining her Uranus, it seems even more likely that Paula could be making a break from her present situation. There's even more pressure on her with Saturn on her Venus, stalling her love life, and Chiron on her Uranus unexpectedly opening old wounds. With the Jupiter-Neptune square, Paula could turn to escapist behavior such as, say, I don't know, addiction to pills?

    And all these themes are mirrored in Paula's progressed chart (showing where she has evolved to as a person), with the Moon in Virgo conjuncting Pluto as well as Uranus in Leo, while Pluto opposes Chiron-Jupiter in Neptune-ruled Pisces. Scorpio, ruled by Pluto, is on the Ascendant.

    Pluto has great transformative potential if you choose to embrace change and cast off what isn't working in your life. But I have a feeling that this might be tough for Paula. Gemini is a mutable sign and generally tends to be comfortable with a state of flux, but with Paula's Capricorn Moon right on the 4th house cusp, plus Mars in slow-and-steady Taurus, she has a strong need for security, routine and remaining in her comfort zone. With Saturn conjunct the South Node, Paula may have a tendency to fall back into a rut when she is being challenged to learn a cosmic lesson. With Jupiter conjunct Chiron, it is difficult to maintain optimism; good fortune always seems to come tinged with bitter disappointment. When it comes to turning crisis into opportunity, Paula's first instinct might be to crawl into bed and pop a Xanax or seven. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

    Now, I'm not saying that my part-Syrian sistah can't get her bearings on this shaky ground. With that Capricorn Moon, she has the ability to establish her own sense of structure even in the face of chaos all around her. But in order to manifest this potential, Paula needs to work to overcome a tendency toward self-pity and wallowing in drama. Pluto's conjunction to her Sun will not be exact until early 2007 (since Pluto goes retrograde for almost half the year, it doesn't move very far), so if she doesn't deal with her authority issues now she's likely to again come into conflict with the American Idol powers that be. If she doesn't want to be fired -- or to endanger her health -- Paula needs to tap into her own inner source of power and acting centered and in control.

    In early July 2006, when Saturn opposes its natal position, Paula may be feeling like she is at her lowest point and the world is against her, but this is precisely the time when she needs to get it together, pull herself up by the bootstraps and start laying the foundation for the kind of life she wants to live. This halfway point in the Saturn cycle is critical; a person who buries her head in the sand now is going to be treated to a world of hurt 14 years later, when the next Saturn return rolls around. Paula needs to stop hiding from or self-medicating her issues and start doing some hard work on herself.

    Luckily for her, there may be one way to make this process a bit easier: With her Venus in Leo in the 10th, she could really use an older, or at least secure, successful and established, man to treat her like a queen. (Yeah, I know, couldn't we all.) If Paula is fortunate enough to find a partner who can give her father-figure-like support in a non-creepy-Svengali way, while still giving her the freedom to find her own way and explore who she is, the sense of security she'll get from such a relationship could go a long way toward giving her the confidence she needs to get right with herself.

    I'll be pulling for Paula, although I'll also be amused if she continues to act erratic and incoherent. Really, for me it's a win-win.

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    Sunday, March 26, 2006

    Celeb Birthdays: March 26

    British beauty Keira Knightley is 21 today. Read Media-Darling's astrological analysis of her Best Actress Oscar nomination.

    Smashing Pumpkins' James Iha is 38. I'm sure that, being an impatient Aries, he was frequently driven up a wall by Billy Corgan's Pisces whining. See James Iha's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    Aries are known for starting things they don't finish, and consecutive zodiac signs tend to be the least compatible. Too bad Taurus Renee Zellwegger did not consult me before up and marrying Kenny Chesney, who is 38 today. See Kenny Chesney's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    Catherine Keener, who is off my own personal Dead to Me list after having relinquished her claim to Dermot Mulroney and liberating him to fulfill his destiny as my husband, turns 46 today. Have a happy one, Catherine! No, really, I mean it -- I can finally admit I like your work! See Catherine Keener's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    Thanks to the magic of cryogenics, you'd never know Leeza Gibbons is 49 today.

    The alternately amusing and annoying Martin Short celebrates his 56th today.

    R&B crooner Teddy Pendergrass is 56.

    Comedienne Vicki Lawrence is 57.

    Perhaps the only AARP-eligible man who can still rock a spandex unitard and pull it off, Aerosmith's ugly-sexy frontman Steven Tyler celebrates 60* years of naughty hijinx. Happy birthday, Steven, and please get well soon! Try visualizing Tiffany's-box blue to send strengthening energy to the throat chakra. See Steven Tyler's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)
    *According to IMDb, Steven's only 58. I went with the date that matches the birth chart; please email me if you know which date is accurate.

    The Scorpio-rising disheveled diva who makes Courtney Love look, um, sheveled, Diana Ross, is 62. See Diana Ross's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

    Washington Post star reporter and Watergate foiler Bob Woodward is 63. His Gemini Midheaven describes his writing career. Gawd, I wish he would rat out Karl Rove! See Bob Woodward's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

    Erica Jong, 64 today, has claimed Catherine Keener's spot on my Dead to Me list after revealing that she had a one-night stand with Martha Stewart's then-husband Whippy, I mean, Andy. Sexual liberation does not mean screwing over other women, Erica!!! Watch your back -- I would be real careful whom I ordered catering from in the future if I were you! See Erica Jong's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

    A much better representative of the sisterhood of women, as well as our Congress, is Nancy Pelosi, who turns 66 today.

    Scorpio-Moon-and-rising actor James Caan is also celebrating his 66th. See James Caan's astrological chart (Astrotheme)

    Though not quite dead to me thanks to her many judicious decisions, Sandra Day O'Connor is definitely on notice for retiring and allowing the Supreme Court to be overrun by douchebags. See Sandra Day O'Connor's astrological chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

    Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or -- especially appreciated! -- exact birth times.

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