Friday, January 26, 2007

Justin Timberlake: Out of the Frying Pan Face, Into the Fire Sign

Yes, dear readers, of course I was overjoyed to learn that Justin Timberlake had finally, once and for all, dumped Cameron Diaz. But I was frustrated and dismayed that he appears to have already moved on to a certain overrated, bee-stung Sagittarius vixen named Scarlett Johansson. A glimpse at their charts reassured me that this rebound fling is a mere detour on J.T.'s path to eternal happiness with his one true love, Britney Spears.

Granted, Scarlett does share her fiery Sun sign with our Britney. But her Sagittarius Sun is nowhere near a conjunction with Justin's Sag Moon. And Scarlett's possessive Scorpio Moon is the last thing Justin needs after clingy Cameron. His detached Aquarian nature will recoil from any Scorp-Moon machinations Scarlett may try to pull. With Scarlett's out-of-sign Sun-Moon conjunction hovering on Justin's Uranus, he will be ready to break free at the slightest hint of her trying to control him. ~ See Justin Timberlake's birth chart (Astrotheme) ~ See Scarlett Johansson's birth chart (Vega Attractions)

I'll allow that the communication between these two is good given her Sun's square to his Mercury. With her Mercury on his nebulous Moon-Neptune and his Mercury on her mystiquey Pisces Ascendant, they have the sense of sharing a deep psychic connection ... even if that perception may be illusory.

But frankly, for two sex symbols, there don't seem to be too many sparks flying between them. There may be a cerebral connection with those Mercury aspects, but as far as sexual tension, her Mars in detached Aquarius' loose conjunction to his Sun is about it. Not very passionate, this pair.

So rest assured, gentle readers, I don't foresee this coupling lasting long. There is still plenty of time for Justin to fulfill his destiny and reunite with Britney in 2008!

Related:Justin Dumps Cameron: I Totally Called It! (6/24/06) • Update: Cameron Confirmed to Be a Controlling Virgo (3/25/06) • Justin and Cameron: Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! (3/9/06)

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Monday, January 22, 2007

Cameron Diaz Is a Masochist

Obviously, Cameron Diaz WANTS to be miserable. No joke.

ANOTHER Aquarius?!?! WHAT is she thinking?!?!

Frying Pan Face just keeps picking men who won't meet her needs. Or maybe it's just that she's desperate to deny her own needs, what with how she keeps insisting she's a commitment-phobe and doesn't want to get married and all. Honey, nice try, but nobody with a Taurus Moon and Venus in Cancer is a commitment-phobe. ~ See Cameron Diaz's birth chart (Astrotheme)

More to come on this tragic tale (including the stellar scoop on Justin and Scarlett). I'm still crazy busy with work (thanks for your patience, gentle readers), but I just had to put that out there.

Cammie, whenever you get tired of living in a world of hurt, find a nice Capricorn man (who isn't a man-whore like Jared Leto) and you can stop fronting like you don't want to settle down!

Related:
Update: Cameron Confirmed to Be a Controlling Virgo (3/25/06)
Justin and Cameron: Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! (3/9/06)

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Justin Dumps Cameron: I Totally Called It!

Finally something has gone right with the world. I was really starting to worry there, what with the marriage rumors and all, but at last Justin Timberlake has come to his senses. Page Six reports that he has dumped a "devastated" Cameron Diaz for being "too clingy":

Timberlake has shown Cameron Diaz the door, so he can sow his wild oats. The hit-making horndog axed his love of three years because, "he's poised to leave on a world tour and he wants to be free," says veteran gossip Janet Charlton.... "She was just too clingy." {Source}

First of all: Sweet! Second of all: Gosh, why does that sound eerily familiar, almost as if I had foretold it? Oh, that's right, I DID!!! Here's what I had to say back in March, when I expressed my wish that Justin would stop the insanity, cut Cameron loose and rejoin his one true love, Britney Spears:

...[C]ome on, a Virgo with Cancer rising [Cameron] and a Taurus Moon, and an Aquarius with Leo rising and a Sag Moon [Justin]? I'm guessing that from moment one, Cameron has been trying to sink her claws of commitment into Justin while he bobs and weaves.... With all that air and fire, Justin does not need an earth-sign ball and chain like Cameron. And in fairness, she certainly doesn't need a hard-to-pin-down Aquarian constantly denying her the sense of security her Taurus Moon craves....

With upheaval-inducing Uranus transiting his 7th house of relationships (it won't be out once and for all until 2009), this is no time for Justin to settle down in a marriage; he is working on his own issues and going through a lot of inner change and turmoil....

I can't wait until May, when Justin's progressed Moon contacts his natal Uranus in Scorpio. Some intense feelings that he has been suppressing may boil to the surface at this time. I can only hope that this Uranian upheaval will mean that Justin bursts free of Cameron's clutches. {Source}

Indeed, although the couple still denies it {Source}, clearly it is only a matter of time before reps confirm that all my hopes have come to pass. Justin's progressed Moon right now is at 0° of freedom-loving Sagittarius (his natal Moon sign), within 1° of his natal Uranus, ruler of his Aquarius Sun. Maybe having his progressed Moon in Scorpio made Justin vibe better with Cam's Cancer Moon, also a water sign, but the transition to Sag and the conjunction with Uranus sent him scrambling for his personal freedom. ~ See Justin Timberlake's birth chart (Astrotheme) ~ See Cameron Diaz's birth chart (Astrotheme)

This breakup news comes just as transiting Uranus turns retrograde in Justin's 7th house of partnership, which, as I mentioned in March, it has been shaking up for quite some time. So far, everything is going exactly according to plan. Justin can release his album and sow his oats while Britney deals with popping out her second baby and kicking Kevin Federline to the curb. Then, with all that unpleasantness behind them, J.T. and Brit-Brit will be free and ready to reunite.

As I have previously noted, it may take until the end of 2008, when Jupiter plays matchmaker, for Justin and Britney to come together and fulfill their destiny as soulmates. But what is meant to be must come to pass sooner or later! Congratulations to Justin on finally cutting Ball-and-Chain Diaz loose. I just know this is only the beginning!

Related:
Update: Cameron Confirmed to Be a Controlling Virgo (3/25/06)
Justin and Cameron: Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! (3/9/06)

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

Update: Cameron Confirmed to Be a Controlling Virgo

Aha! The New York Daily News has totally corroborated my analysis of Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz's relationship. I so knew she was not all like, "La la, I'm a free-spirited surfer girl, tee hee," like she acts.

"Justin has told friends he's 'confused,'" one informant tells us. "He likes Cameron a lot. But he's 25. He says he just doesn't know how committed he can be. He needs space. Cameron is a little controlling." [Source]

Well, DUH, she's a Virgo with a Cancer Moon -- of COURSE she's a little controlling. (Cameron Diaz's birth chart; Astrotheme) This space-needing business is exactly the dynamic I envisioned between them in my March 9 post:

I'm guessing that from moment one, Cameron has been trying to sink her claws of commitment into Justin while he bobs and weaves. She's all, "Where is this going? What am I to you? Can I keep a toothbrush and a change of underwear here?" and he's all, "Whoa, why does it have to be about labels? Can't we just, like, live in the moment? Why don't you just turn your underwear inside out?" Okay, maybe not that last part, but you get the picture. With all that air and fire, Justin does not need an earth-sign ball and chain like Cameron. And in fairness, she certainly doesn't need a hard-to-pin-down Aquarian constantly denying her the sense of security her Taurus Moon craves. [Source]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Aquarius-Virgo matches are bad news. An Aquarius with Moon in Sagittarius like Justin (see Justin Timberlake's birth chart; Astrotheme) can't deal with the stifling factor of an obsessive-compulsive Virgo and needs a more flexible, spontaneous partner like... oh, I don't know, say, a Sagittarius with an Aquarius Moon. Huzzah, let the Justin-Britney reunion watch begin!

Update: Timberlake's rep, Ken Sunshine, calls this report "garbage." [Source] And clearly, no one named Sunshine would ever possibly try to put a positive spin on a sucky situation. Ken, dear, a word of advice: The Sun is about as prominent in the birth horoscope as it is in your name. No amount of publicist denial can hide the fundamental incompatibility of the Aquarius-Virgo couple.

This post has been edited since it was originally posted to include links to birth charts and the publicist rebuttal. Why the revision, you ask? Maybe because Mercury went direct between then and now?

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Justin and Cameron: Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!

Gentle reader, I hope it will not escape your notice that I am nothing if not a responsive correspondent. Yesterday I posted an update on Britney Spears' rumored second pregnancy [link] and solicited suggestions as to whom Britney should get with once she finally kicks K-Fed to the curb. The unanimous feedback from all two of my fans echoed the secret hope deep within my own heart: that one day, Britney will resume her rightful throne as the Princess of Pop beside her prince, her one true love, Justin Timberlake. Yet he remains in the thrall of Miss Face-Hit-With-a-Frying-Pan herself, the One Who Thought She Was Too Good for Matt Dillon and Could Not Have Been More Wrong, Cameron Diaz.

Folks, you know how I feel about Aquarius-Virgo couples (see also: Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong; Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen). Will the ill-conceived union of Justin & Cam at last be torn asunder, paving the way for the glorious Justin-Britney reconciliation? Or, as some sickening scuttlebutt would have it, is J.T. fixing to make an honest woman of old Frying Pan Face?

Now, Justin (Justin's birth chart; Astrotheme) and Britney (Britney's birth chart; Astrotheme) have such compatible horoscopes it breaks your heart to look at them -- he has Sun in Aquarius and Moon in Sagittarius, she has Sun in Sagittarius and Moon in Aquarius; this double Sun-Moon reciprocity is one of the best auspices for a romantic match. (Some would say for a man and a woman, but I prefer to consider gender in astrology in archetypal terms.) And not only that, but Justin's Sun is exactly conjunct Britney's Moon, which is such a good indicator that he meets her emotional needs, I could cry. And OH MAH GAHD, their Venuses are almost exactly conjunct in Capricorn, I'm not even kidding. They have the exact same approach to and values when it comes to relationships. These two need to get married already! Tell the people!!!

But when you look at Justin and Cameron's charts together (Cameron's birth chart; Astrotheme), you're like, hello? What am I missing? I'll grant that Justin, with his Sun in the Virgo-ruled 6th house, may vibe a bit better with a Virgo Sun chick than your average Aquarius, but that's really not saying much. And these two do not have much in the way of aspects. Their Venuses oppose each other, which is about as modest a positive aspect as Britney and K-Fed's Venus-Mars opposition. But come on, a Virgo with Cancer rising and a Taurus Moon, and an Aquarius with Leo rising and a Sag Moon? I'm guessing that from moment one, Cameron has been trying to sink her claws of commitment into Justin while he bobs and weaves. She's all, "Where is this going? What am I to you? Can I keep a toothbrush and a change of underwear here?" and he's all, "Whoa, why does it have to be about labels? Can't we just, like, live in the moment? Why don't you just turn your underwear inside out?" Okay, maybe not that last part, but you get the picture. With all that air and fire, Justin does not need an earth-sign ball and chain like Cameron. And in fairness, she certainly doesn't need a hard-to-pin-down Aquarian constantly denying her the sense of security her Taurus Moon craves.

(BTW, Matt Dillon: also an Aquarius. Is Cameron just a masochist or something? I mean, she was on the right track finding a fellow earth sign in Capricorn Jared Leto, but you don't need astrology to tell you that you're in for a world of hurt dating a man-whore like him.)

With upheaval-inducing Uranus transiting his 7th house of relationships (it won't be out once and for all until 2009), this is no time for Justin to settle down in a marriage; he is working on his own issues and going through a lot of inner change and turmoil. As Saturn transits his 12th house, Justin has been keeping a low profile. Neptune is just moving off a confusing "who am I?" conjunction to his Sun, but will retrograde back toward it, and only toward the end of the year will Justin start to regain a clear perception of his own identity. Meanwhile, Pluto on his Moon has been stirring up more emotional transformation, though its influence is now starting to wane. Justin is definitely going through one of those phases where he questions what his life is all about and whether he's experienced all it has to offer. The emotional restlessness of Pluto transiting his Sag Moon does not bode well for anyone who might be, say, constantly carping at him to marry and impregnate her before her fertility odds nosedive.

I can't wait until May, when Justin's progressed Moon contacts his natal Uranus in Scorpio. Some intense feelings that he has been suppressing may boil to the surface at this time. I can only hope that this Uranian upheaval will mean that Justin bursts free of Cameron's clutches. While he continues to do psychic work on himself for the rest of this year as Neptune makes its last contact with his Sun, Britney could be working on disentangling herself from the K-Fed fiasco and reclaiming her own emotional center as Neptune makes its last contact with her Moon.

It's a long way away, but in December 2008 Jupiter will conjunct Britney and Justin's shared Venus. This time period could be a beautiful window of opportunity for them to reconnect. By then Uranus will be wrapping up its passage through Justin's 7th house and he might just be ready for the relationship that will last a lifetime. To sum up: Britney and Justin, you were destined to be together! Please do not defy the will of the planets!

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