Britney Divorces Kevin! The World Makes Sense Again!

How long I have dreamed of this day. I can scarcely believe this joyous event has come to pass, much less astrologically analyze it with any objectivity. My beloved, bodacious angel, Britney Spears, has filed for divorce from the no-talent, gold-digging, low-capris-wearing, indiscriminately inseminating piece of white trash she inexplicably chose to call a husband, Kevin Federline. {Source} Jaia Ganesha!!!

Britney, baby, I just know this is a new day for you. Sure, you were in a bad relationship, you let yourself go, but now that you've kicked K-Fed to the curb, you're already looking fiercer than we've seen you in eons. {Source ~ Source}(Okay, the picture at right is old, but isn't it an inspirational reminder of the glory days?)

In Britney's horoscope, change has been brewing for some time. See Britney Spears' birth chart (Astrotheme) Back in May, I wrote:

...Britney has Pluto sextiling its natal position, passing over her Neptune, and squaring her 12th-house Mars. This represents a time of transformation during which she sees the truth about her illusions come to light, and makes profound changes in her sometimes self-destructive M.O. (Mars in the 12th house).... Jupiter ... will make its last conjunction to Kevin's Uranus in mid-September (which could well be around the baby's actual birth date, considering how celebs like to pad their due dates). It's quite possible he could hang on till then in his basement lair, lurking in the corners of Britney's life. But Pluto has a way of unearthing the truth, and it won't be long before our beloved Britney sees the light about her marriage. {Full story}

Now, as retrograde Uranus draws toward a station in square to Britney's Sun, she is itching to break free of the confines of her current identity, perhaps shocking the world with a whole new persona. To feel vital and true to herself now, Britney needs to change. It may be scary and unsettling to shake up the status quo and take a sharp left turn on her life path, but this might be just what Britney needs to clear away stale psychic energy and find her center again.

Kevin, meanwhile, is going through a hugely momentous life shift: his first Saturn return, a time of reckoning and new responsibilities, when a person transitions into adulthood and reaps the consequences—for better or worse—of his or her work toward achieving maturity thus far. See Kevin Federline's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

The Saturn return is kind of like a cosmic midterm exam. And I think we can all guess how well K-Fed does on standardized tests. The divorce as well as the dismal response to his fledgling "career" as a "musical" "artist" (which, one suspects, may well have been the last straw for Britney, as she was finally confronted with a realistic assessment of his nonexistent breadwinner potential) suggests that Kevin has spent less time learning lessons from the universe than he has partying in Vegas.

Along with signifying adult responsibilities, Saturn also represents the father principle, and Kevin is being called to account for his parenting skills as much as anything else. Britney is seeking sole custody in the divorce petition, and it's hard to imagine Kevin fighting for the right to be encumbered by his kids on weekends when he could be out partying. But for an overgrown child of a man like Kevin, Saturn can come down pretty hard with the old reality check. He may be stunned to find out how difficult life on his own is, without the safety net of Britney's fame and money.

With Mercury and Venus on his Uranus, news of the divorce may have already come as a shock to him. Now, as Saturn gets set to station and turn retrograde just minutes away from its position in Kevin's natal chart, he has a rough road ahead. He will have to go back and make up for lost time in learning the lessons of adulthood and parenthood he should have been working on all along.

So, it looks like K-Fed's long-awaited and richly deserved slide into obscurity has begun ... and with it Britney's imminent resurgence to fame and fabulosity. She'll be starting 2007 on a high note, receptive to receiving new blessings from the universe as Jupiter conjuncts her Sun. Our original-flava Britney is back and ready to reclaim her one true love, Justin Timberlake, from the clutches of old Frying-Pan-Face Diaz. Man, between this and the Democrats retaking the House, I might just start to regain faith that there is some sense to the universe.

shirts with Britney's sentiment: see more styles

Related: UPDATE: Britney's Baby's Real Name and Birth Chart (10/26/06) Sutton Pierce Federline's Natal Chart (9/24/06) Is Britney Finally Done With Kevin? (5/31/06) Britney Spears, Serial Mom (5/10/06) Britney: Baby One More Time? (4/29/06) Sweet Jesus, Is Britney Pregnant Again?! (3/8/06) Britney in Retrograde (2/16/06) Britney in the Breakdown Lane? (2/8/06)

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