Why, Guy, Why?

As much as I do not want to think of this possibility, the always awesometastic Perez Hilton is again reporting, along with several other blogs, on rumblings of divorce between Madonna and her husband, Guy Richie. Now, I love Madonna fervently and have willfully suppressed any musings about the happiness of her marriage since hearing years ago that she celebrated Guy's birthday with a macrobiotic cake and a three-hour lecture at the Kabbalah Center. I mean, yes, the man is a Virgo and they tend to be neurotically health-conscious, but no one wants to spend a birthday bettering themselves. Anyway, I explore this topic not out of disloyalty to my Madge -- quite the contrary! -- but out of a grave for about her and her family's well-being, and perhaps, it must be admitted, a nascent curiosity about whom she might date next and how cute their babies might be.

Consecutive-sign relationships are always a challenge. It's not that they can never work, but two adjacent wedges of the zodiac will inevitably be on different pages in some fundamental way. It helps if the two have planets in each other's sign. And Madonna is definitely a full-on Leo, but she does have three planets (her Moon, Mercury and Pluto) and her Ascendant in Virgo, Guy's Sun sign. And Guy's Mars is in Leo, very close to an exact conjunction with Madonna's Sun (which should augur a passionate, romantic sex life, though perhaps also some dramatic arguments). His Jupiter is conjunct her Moon and Ascendant, making him a great supporter who encourages her and boosts her self-image. In their composite or relationship chart, the Sun, Venus and Uranus are closely conjunct in Virgo, with Pluto and Mercury also in Virgo but not in on the conjunction action. Guy's birth time is, annoyingly, unknown; his Moon could be either in fiery Aries or stoic Taurus. Either would probably serve him well in terms of standing up to Madonna's Leo willfullness. However, as a mutable Virgo he is likely to be the one who capitulates in any marital confrontation.

Madonna and Guy's composite chart, signifying the dynamic of their relationship, is very interesting. The Sun, Venus and Uranus are all closely conjunct in Virgo, with Pluto also in Virgo seven degrees away. This planetary pile-up suggests a relationship that is extremely close but also extremely volatile. All that Virgo speaks to their iron-fist-run household, with rigid healthy routines (that macrobiotic birthday cake...) and no TV for the kids. But all this obsessive-compulsive Virgo energy has been sorely tested lately, with chaotic Uranus in Pisces opposing the Virgo planets in Madonna and Guy's composite throughout 2005. Disruptive forces have challenged their tightly managed routine, creating a sense of physical and emotional upheaval. This would have been most acute around February 2005, when Uranus first transited these planets, and flared up again in mid-November when Uranus stationed a little over a degree from an opposition to the Ritchies' composite Uranus. Translation: Either they've so far managed to weather the storm, or their marital problems already split them up, but they've kept it under wraps in true Hollywood fashionably-late-breakup-announcement style. I really don't want to believe this, and it's not like she would have a motive for hiding it, such as a new album release or -- never mind! Anyway, if this nightmare scenario is true and poor Lola and Rocco will have to cram yet another baby-daddy play date into their already hectic weekly schedules, I would expect an announcement around the end of March, when transiting Uranus opposes their composite Pluto and long-buried secrets come suddenly to light. Again, I can't stress enough that I hope I am wrong.