Olympic Ladies' Figure Skating: Astrological Predictions

As promised, here are my astrological predictions for Olympic Ladies' Figure Skating. While the short program is in fact being taped as I type this, I swear to God, Ganesha and Steven Seagal that I will be avoiding all news coverage until I can watch the event this evening. Okay, let's try to keep this brief, because I actually have actual work to do....

First, let me state for the record that I do not have recorded birth times for any of these skating contenders, so it's tough to make exact predictions. Secondly, while time and space do not presently permit me to do a complete analysis of the horoscopes of each of these ladies, let me just say that OMG, these girls are driven. There's a razor-sharp focus in their charts that suggests an intense singularity of purpose. Kimmie Meissner has a wicked T-square of Sun-Mars in Libra, Jupiter in Cancer and Saturn-Neptune in Uranus. Sasha Cohen has ALL of her planets in one quadrant of her chart, between Scorpio and Capricorn. Thirdly, I freely cop to bias in having analyzed only the charts of the three American contenders and Russian veteran Irina Slutskaya. There aren't enough hours in the day here, okay, people? Did I not mention that I have actual, (relatively) gainful employment?

Anyway, on with it. With a Saturn-Chiron opposition in the sky for both ladies' skating events, there is some potential for humiliation or even injury with skaters whose charts are strongly affected by Saturn-Chiron. As much as I am not a fan of Emily Hughes, I confess to being a little concerned about Chiron's near-exact conjunction to her Sun (which conjuncts Mercury), and the Sun's opposition by Saturn. Hughes could psych herself out and just choke, or she could have an ankle injury that completely undermines her performance.

Kimmie Meissner, as mentioned, has a T-square in cardinal signs that makes her extremely driven; she really pushes herself to the limit. Still, I'm not feeling like this is her moment. If she was going to snag the gold, I'd expect to see a lot of electrifying contacts between the transiting planets and her birth chart. It's like there's no chemistry between her and this time period, if that makes any sense. Uranus is inconjuncting her Sun, and Mercury is squaring Pluto, but these are not the kind of aspects that really spur success. More likely this is a time when she will be thinking about how she can reposition herself to rocket to the next level in future events.

Irina Slutskaya has the birth chart of a real powerhouse. Like Emily, she has a Sun-Mercury conjunction in Aquarius, but at late enough degrees that they are not affected by Saturn-Chiron. In her birth chart, Irina's Sun-Mercury aspects all three outer planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto). As the moment of truth draws near, Jupiter in Scorpio is squaring her Sun-Mercury, which definitely speaks to her passionate desire to win and optimistic attitude about her chances. Saturn is on her Jupiter, which really could go either way, either bringing her recognition or putting a lid on her aspirations. But with Chiron opposing natal Jupiter, plus Saturn and Chiron also squaring Irina's natal Chiron, Irina could be in for a blow to her pride.

Rising star Sasha Cohen has one of the most lopsided charts I've ever seen, with all her planets lined up in a row. (Without a birth time, it's not clear whether her Moon is in Scorpio or Sag, but either way it's in the middle of her planetary lineup.) Powerful Pluto, conjunct to and ruler of her Scorpio Sun, and is the final dispositor of her chart (which is when one planet is like the uber-ruler of all the others). This woman has a drive to succeed that makes Madonna look like a slacker. With transiting Jupiter conjuncting her Saturn (interestingly, the converse of Irina's Saturn-conjunct-Jupiter aspect), Sasha could be ready to reap some rewards and recognition from her hard work. The fact that the Pisces Sun will be trining her natal Sun/Pluto during the short program, while the Moon in Sagittarius pings her Sag planets like a xylophone, also helps Sasha. The Sun and Moon are fast-moving and their aspects are only in effect for a short time, but when you're talking about the Olympics those luminaries can mean the difference between an on and an off day. However, Sasha is certainly not immune to that Saturn-Chiron wrench in the works; the opposition forms a scary T-square with her Sun/Pluto, which could put an unceremonious stop to her Scorpio power grab.

My guess is that Sasha will soar at the short program tonight (or rather, is doing so now, to be televised later). But honestly, without birth times, it's hard to say whether either Sasha or Irina has an astrological lock on the gold. (I swear I'm not just saying that to cover my ass if I'm wrong -- the Moon and houses really do matter.) Irina may harness the determination that comes with Saturn conjuncting her Jupiter to pull off a show-stopping free skate. Ultimately, though, if pressed to choose, I would say this is Sasha's hour. Jupiter has been passing over her Scorpio planets like a bride at a receiving line and will continue to do so throughout this year. My guess is that Sasha will pull out the performance of her life to win the gold, while Slutskaya snags the silver. One thing I can say with utter certainty, however: It won't be the same without my Michelle!!!